Hi all,
Mum & others mentioned this -- seems like a broad interesting topic.
I have two examples, both friends who are important to me.
One is literally magnetically attracted to pain. We share it, and 90% of the time this helps release it and heal it. About 10% of the time, I am irritated when I am trying to push past a moment of "awful-izing" to think more positively, and I feel resistance from her. She hears me, respectfully, whenever I say, now I'm at a place when I don't want to feed my anxiety or pessimism on that topic. And then we stop going over and over it. She says part of her way of being is to really delve into pain in order to process it, and I know she's being truthful. She's not stuck or static. But it's been an interesting relationship in which to explore that whole issue. I don't want to endlessly recycle emotional anguish, but on the other hand, she's one of my most precious friends because she does respect and allow--even encourage--the expression of pain. On balance, she is a healing and ground force in my life.
Another friend goes blank on me whenever I am unhappy. She is purely fair weather...unless she herself is in pain. Then she's in touch and I am there to hear hers. I see that it's one-sided and also that this is what she is capable of. I don't mind, usually, but I have low expectations. We share much less of our lives and are in touch less often.
I also think it's worth asking myself, which sort of friend am I? It's different with different people, but a lot of people tell me their troubles, and I feel it's a gift to be asked to listen. On the other hand, there are a few people who have found my own appetite for "processing" painful things draining. So I've had to learn who's up for it, and who's not.
On balance, I think learning to be less analytical and more present to life is my challenge. I don't always know when it's wallowing and when it's worthwhile.
Anybody want to share thoughts on this?
Hops
