(((((((((Sela)))))))))
You are very much here, and you very much exist and I for one say
Thank goodness!!!!!!
We need more Selas please, more people who can Think and Feel and Listen and Speak and Not Be Objects.
For those who talk and talk are rather behaving like objects themselves…not requiring any real connections, not relying on responses to get them yakking, no. They only need an audience, someone to yak to. Sad of course.
Are they all Ns? I don’t know. Sure seems like there’s a lot of selfish, self-obsessed behaviour these days. Some of it seems pure madness to me.
Ahhh *sigh*….so you feel bad…..invalidated, so to speak. I think I understand. They do my head in. They call and yak for 2 hours and if they do say ‘how are you’ it ain’t an in-depth question. Say anything remotely ‘real’ and it gives them an opportunity to criticise you
, or, tell a story about how they did something similar and they did ‘better’ than you
. Or be horrified at your truth and react as though you have hurt them by telling them!!
Oh yeah.
But do I ever say anything? Nope. Do I ever stand up for myself and just be honest. Not in those circumstances. It feels like a waste of time.I don’t know, I’ve not tried it….or have I? Only with parents and it doesn’t work: I get upset, they don’t, I feel like I’m bonkers and they react like I’m bonkers.
What would you say? “I haven’t enjoyed this conversation because…..”? Like you say, what’s the point? Even if they listen, and say they’ll listen to you, you know that they’ll be doing it like a robot, because it’s required of them so that they get ‘their turn’. It’s no fun when you know someone is only half-listening.
I am a hermit and the phone line is heavily guarded with several levels of protection!
Personally I’ve had enough. When I’ve told the most emotionally-wrenching things to people and they just say “oh yeah, something similar happened to me…..” well, what’s the point. I’m talking mother, father here, not an acquaintance. But ‘friends’ have done it too. So I don’t have friends in 3D life. I’m sick of being labelled and having all my reactions put into other peoples’ boxes of me. Their limited, focussed, constrained ideas of who I am.
How do you attract these people? I guess you listen? And show empathy? And for many, many people a show of empathy is a sign of ‘friendship’ to them. And if they decide that you are their friend, that’s all it takes for them. It doesn’t need any damn reciprocity!
It isn’t just Ns. It’s anyone locked inside their own head. Depression can do it, various things can do it I think.
And there aren’t that many folks it seems who want real solutions and answers. Some appear happiest when they’re moaning and being a victim and if you suggest a way through – whoah! No thanks!
I look at people on the street, on the train etc and watch for their eyes. So few people have alive eyes! Even young children have had their eyes dimmed, you can see it so easily. But those who haven’t…..those are the ones I want to take to the park and feed the birds and play with the leaves and grass and watch the clouds.
I’m sure you have alive eyes Sela. I’m almost 100% positive you do!
(and that’s a bit absolute for me).
You have exceptional gifts but some people won’t/can’t see them.
Myth or truth, not sure which: Maurice Saatchi was walking through New York and spotted a blind man sitting on the street, holding a sign which read
“Blind, please help”. Maurice took out a pen and amended the sign to read:
“Blind, and it’s Spring, please help.”
Not sure of the point of that story but I like it.
More another day. (((((((((Sela)))))))))
PS Background music for singing to:
http://www.gasgroup.com/dowop/ (I like the middle two on…)
