Moonlight:
I just hope mental illness will be understood with more kindness
Yes, we are coming a very long way in expanding our awareness about mental illness. I promise you that I mean no disrespect to you or anyone else experiencing any kind of mental illness. I worked in a psychiatric hospital for seven years. Understanding psychiatric illness, ensuring patient rights, and searching for answers is my passion. I continue to pursue studies in this field. I think I felt your hurt and wanted to send you sort of a verbal hug in my response.
Hopalong:
I feel really compassionate NOW...but it sure wasn't easy to get there.
I get this. It is a learning journey.
reallyME:
YOU DON'T OWE THIS CONTROL FREAK, PHARISEE, ANYTHING!!! NOTHING AT ALL...STOP BEING THEIR FRIGGEN DOORMAT NOW!!!
Your posts just make me giggle out loud. I love your honesty and commitment to squashing out the dysfunction. I will tell you this. Just a couple of months ago I really felt like I was headed for a nervous breakdown. I have learned to be assertive in my life, but the past couple of years I backslid big time. I felt like I was screaming out and nobody was listening for a solid year.
I became distraught and tortured, really. I felt unbelievably alone. Yet, I was determined to figure out what message I was to learn from this so I began peeling off the layers and courageously facing some of my own warts, knowing that the only person I did have any control over was myself. I knew God had not brought me this far to drop me on my head. I knew that, although the lesson was excruciatingly painful, I was to learn something valuable.
I made a decision. I had to kill off my old self and along with her, her old, unhealthy ways. I did it. I laid her to rest. In doing that I realized I had to kill off those relationships that have been so damaging as well. One of those relationships was with my narcissistic mother (although at the time I did not know she was NPD). The time had come. I knew that my next conversation with her would be a confrontation. I mentally prepared myself for what I would say. But... The call never came. I found out later that baby sister tipped her off after I had shared with her my intentions.
During this time I also confronted my husband. I told him that I had done some serious soul seeking and was making some dramatic changes in my life. He was well aware of the difficult year I had struggled through, but he is a man and would say, "Just let it go. Forget about it." I had tried several times to speak to him, but it fell on silent ears. I told him that I was sick and tired of some of the dysfunction and maybe nobody else wanted to rock the boat, but I was going to have my say. I brought up the old issue of dealing with my mother. I told him that it was ridiculous that he would allow my mother to come into MY home, corner him and tell him how awful and unforgiving I am, and that he would not defend me.
Let me tell you. He was shocked. I said, "If you won't stand up for me and defend me, then by God I'll do it for myself. I don't care what you think. I don't care what she thinks. I don't care what anyone thinks. I have two choices left. I am going down in a blaze of fire or I am going to stand up and defend myself." My husband was very humbled and completely agreed. He was very apologetic and said that he didn't mean to be disrespectful to me, but that everyone knows my mother is crazy so he just lets her tantrums go in one ear and out the other.
My mother finally called a few weeks later and started in with my husband about how horrible I was. I was listening to my husband's side of the conversation. He tried to be calm and tolerant, but firm. She went on and on, as usual. Finally, he confronted her about her shallowness and phoniness and lack of interest in us or our kids (She acts like she is so interested in her grandkids, but she never spends time with any of them - phony, phony, phony! All for show!!!) He told her that it would be best if we took a year off from seeing her and we have not heard from her since.
So, reallyME... I am with you. I really do not give a "rip" as you say.
I feel like she has sewn these seeds for my whole life. My siblings only responses were, "Great! Now, I have to deal with her even more." Truthfully, I could care less if I ever see her again. I am just done with it. Now, that I know what this is I feel even more justified because she is never going to get better. Still, my yearning is to get to a place of peace.
The woman who faked the cancer basically did the same thing that my mother had done to me for my whole life. As long as I was feeding her, I was okay. But, when I found out about her lies, lies, lies and took her to the mat, she became a vicious, spiteful demon. But... I made the connection. Not at first, but as I continued to journey I saw it. They were one in the same. Different techniques, but both narcissists. One more emotionally crippled (my mother). The other just evil.
Sorry about the length. I feel sad, but free today because I am done, done, done with these sick people!!!
ANewSheriff
