Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > What Helps?

Sam Vaknin: 'guru wannabee'

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Anonymous:
http://www.angelfire.com/zine2/narcissism/narcissism_caution_internet.html

Argusina:
I beleive that there is almost always a reason for choosing and staying in an abusive relationship. Healthy people are not attracted to abusive individuals nor do they stay long. However that does NOT mean that it is the "victim's" fault that he/she is abused or that he/she deserves it...

I think the author has some points, but generalizes to much and does not accept that grown-ups are responsible for their choices...

write:
in many relationships.

Once you have children and are committed to providing the best environment for them: they love their fathers, who love them too ( even when messed up psychologically )

if you marry a successful narcissist there are inevitable financial and social implications to leaving your relationship.

Even if it is an abusive and destructive relationship for you it is naive to think that it is a simple choice.

It never is.

That's why I reccomend the Lundy Bancroft book: he is one exceptional professional and writer who can present all sides of this complicated picture.

write:
I think it is NEVER helpful to pathologize victims of abuse in any way....that is turning what really happens about-face.

Argusina:
I see what you mean write, but I do beleive that those who are not personality disordered, and stay in relationships, also contribute to the children being abused, for example...

Silence, is in my book, agreeing  :(

I beleive that staying in an abusive relationship in part has pathological roots and in part is because of "the Stockholm syndrome"...

These are not EASY choices but they are choices nevertheless... That does not mean judging those who stay, just accepting that it is in fact a Choice made...

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