for REALLYME

[write]

When I come here on Voicelessness I can only hope and expect everyone is as genuine as possible once removed via cyberspace.
If Richard G turns out to be N ( like my nightmares where everyone is abusive )
then I'll stop posting
( and hunt him down for a somewhat severe telling-off, oh yes.... )

Otherwise we have to go on what we get.

You first arrived SHOUTING in capitals about people being POSSESSED by DEMONS.

When I said there's no such thing as demons and told you about my illness and tried tactfully to suggest you were mentally ill, you said 'I am not crazy', which some people might take as just as offensive as viewing psychosis as possession by evil demons.

When I suggested your church community or place of training may not be healthy you did not want to hear that and dismissed it as my ignorance.

Over subsequent weeks you have revealed

you counsel others for a living;

you have been ritually abused by religious people;

you have Bipolar Disorder.

***

Denial is very powerful, but it is what enables us to move mystically into another reality, even when our experiences, feelings and friends are telling us it's not right.

You can argue Bible literacy or semantics as long as you like, but if you want to move forward you have to let go those nasty perfectionist models and find a new less certain yet healthier way to do religions/ relationships/ life.

***

You have personally experienced being 'mentored' by someone who was unfit for the task and abused you instead.

Maybe it's time for you to give up the role of counsellor and advisor to others for a while?

To gently absolve yourself from those relationships, and to let go and trust in G_d/ in people/ in yourself...

***

I hope you can hear me.

Try to hear other people's words and experiences.

That's why you are here.

[Portia]

Good morning Write, how are you?

When I come here on Voicelessness I can only hope and expect everyone is as genuine as possible once removed via cyberspace.

I’m as genuine as possible I think. What I’ve written here is my perception of my life. It’s all true as far as I’m concerned (although over the months and years my views have changed). Just speaking up for honesty here.

If Richard G turns out to be N ( like my nightmares where everyone is abusive )
then I'll stop posting
( and hunt him down for a somewhat severe telling-off, oh yes.... )

I think maybe if you keep saying it, it might help you lose any anxiety? I hope so. Keep talking! I don’t think I’m bothered about what Dr G is like. I’m curious about him of course! Blimey I’m only human. But even if I found out some awful thing about him or this board (let your imagination do the work here), …….. it wouldn’t and couldn’t wipe out the help and support I’ve received here; and I hope it wouldn’t negate any help and support anyone might have felt from me.

If your nightmares came true, how would you react Write? I’m serious if you are! I think often we are very serious when we appear to be joking, do you agree? What I say in semi-jest sometimes – I can re-read it and think, what am I doing to myself? Am I being scornful of myself, or pretending to be jokingly angry or hurt when in fact I really am hurt, and am covering the intensity with a light-heartedness? I think I do that sometimes.

Anyway, this is my first post today and if I keep it up, I could drivel on. I don’t speak much in the mornings and it tends to all come out here. Sorry.

Just a bit of support for you Write and any odd feelings you might have about the board. I sometimes feel the same and have to talk it out. If you want to say more, why not do it? I do.

[Portia]

it's here Write

I started panicking just then, i thought we had a phantom post-deleter on the board

whoooooo! nope, it's here (it was way down the page). phew. Are you glad? I am. 

[write]

well I'm glad I having been offensive! I'm a bit manic this week, lots of rehearsals for several concerts...I think I am training myself to be more careful but occasionally I'll let go an email or something without checking it and look at it with a groan next day...did I really send that...

 

[write]

If your nightmares came true, how would you react Write?

well of course they have, several times; it's hard to go in the face of those experiences, even though I know the world isn't a bad place.

[Portia]

I think we're pretty safe here, there's a lot of us too, all in the same boat if anything went askew. Strength in numbers!

I love your sign off. You live

[cwings]

For me to speak or write out things is a real chore. But there's a special lady that has helped me start expressing my voicelessness. Her name is REALLYME. In the past I have let people walk all over me.Since God, yes I said God, put her in my life, I have started to speak up for myself in a healthy way. The things she has shared with me are the truth that God has revealed to her, She not a mind reader etc..its the holy spirit living inside her. Maybe I shouldn't bring God in this voicelessness board, but as we express our voicelessness, we may share what God doesn't like what people do to us. So in a sense we are doing ourself a favor but venting to others and learn from the ones whom had the victory in those areas.And REALLYME has victory in areas of her life. I have talked and visited her personally. She what she says she is and I seen it first hand. She wants to see people free, thats her hearts desire and God is honoring that one person at a time.I'm one of the people she has been counseling. Its been a process but I see freedom I never had. One thing I desired is to be free. And learning about N's etc... It helps me cope with them and REALLYME has shown me things I never knew before about different personality's and how they reacted . Boy what a learning experience. And to tell you the truth. REALLYME has casted demons out of me that never thought were in there. PTL I'm free from those tormenting spirits. THEY WERE REAL.  We all have bad experiences in our lives and there is people out there to help us OVERCOME THEM IF WE CHOSE TO. W e have to make up our minds to be free, Its a choose to be free or not. I chose to be set free this year. Whatever you going through you have a choose to stay in that muck or get out. And other's will be there for you. Ask, seek there are awesome people out there who are willling to help. You just need a push or to...smilessssssss......because I needed a push. It like a baby being birthed, need a push to be born and start a new life outside the womb. Its a long process but it will be worthy it ....smilesssssssssss Back to being real on this board. I have issues and just writing is BIG stretch for me.
 cwings

[Hopalong]

Hi CWings,
It's good that you love your friend. You sound as though you've benefitted a lot from knowing Really. I believe it.

You made me think of something ....
I think the most important thing in counseling relationships is that you never believe for a second that you are not completely the equal of the person who is helping you. No person who counsels, or offers wisdom, is better than you are. Sometimes one person just has learned certain things, has something valuable to say or an insight that another is in need of. And then we trade places, or we become helpers to someone else, etc. As life goes on, it balances out with the different people who move in and out of our lives. I sense from your post that you are very eager to give back too, to inspire others.

I've benefitted from learning to be wary of people who claim persecution a lot. Or special secret knowledge. Having suffered and studied can mean a person becomes unusually sensitive and compassionate, but in some cases a wounded ego craves more attention than humble, ordinary relationships can provide. So they might structure relationships in their life so they are often in the "one-up" teacher position. It is a form of power, to have such trust placed in you. Has to be a heck of a lot of maturity for that power to be used constructively.

Nothing wrong with teaching, it's a wonderful gift (for giver and receiver). What it requires most to be lifechanging, I think, is humility on the part of the teacher.

It's good to hear you're doing better in your life. I think you write just fine. And don't worry, Issues 'R Us...

Hops

[MarisaML]

Nothing wrong with teaching, it's a wonderful gift (for giver and receiver). What it requires most to be lifechanging, I think, is humility on the part of the teacher.

I think I'll try to stay out of the main topic for now.  At this time I don't feel I have enough information to have a real opinion of what is going on here.  But I do want to say that what Hopalong said is absolutely profound.  Hops, you are so right!  What a wonderful word--- humility.  How I wish I saw more of that in the world.  It's usually not found to be in teachers and counsellors as it should be.  What a shame. 

[Sela]

It is a form of power, to have such trust placed in you. Has to be a heck of a lot of maturity for that power to be used constructively.

You are so wise Hoppy!  I have never thought of this so deeply before but I have surely experienced it, on both ends of the scale (been in a position of trust/power and had to be very mature/grown up for things to be constructive (going over in my head......did I do that?  I think I did.  I hope I did.  I think I did) and......I've been in the postition of trusting others (and they had power over me by that trust....the position that trust placed them in).   That is exactly what was missing from the second scenario.....maturity, on the part of the person in that trust/power position.  There was very little maturity.  Hardly any.  No wonder I felt uncomfortable and afraid and my trust started to fade.

Trust is such a big word eh?  (I'm really thinking here now.......smoke coming out of my ears and all  ).  It is!  A huge massive big word.....trust is.

Basically, what I get from your wise words is that we when I do trust......I will benefit by being aware of the power I'm giving (??) the other person and be careful to watch for constructive stuff happening.  And if that isn't happening, that's a big large huge warning, for me, I think.  When I notice myself feeling uncomfortable or afraid, I will hopefully remember your words and take that power away/back...lickity split!! 

Actually, that's what I did, when that happened, and now......I understand why I did it, more clearly, I think.

Thanks Hops (sorry if this doesn't make a whole lot of sense.  ).

  Sela

[Hopalong]

I ain't hurt a bit. Thanks for the kind words, everybody.
I'm just confused...lotsa purple quotes here, dunno what's going on.

Maybe it's upwind a little...I'll read all the threads until I catch on.

Off the cuff, though, I'd say it makes me sad when belief systems divide us.
I've had hope we could avoid that--mostly, anyway. It's a scenario that's regularly presented in real life, as well, so I find it valuable to practice here. Trying to listen and respond to the person, not to dueling  beliefs. Hard work, sometimes, but worth it to me.

Who knows? Maybe with a lot of listening and tolerance we can find what's in another person we CAN affirm or identify or support (and have compassion for), and just not engage with the parts that seem ... unreachable, or the remarks that seem unanwerable.

Hope so.
Hops

[cwings]

To bean,
sounds like you're recruiting Reallyme? Nope she not, just help me in some areas in my life.

EXTRA EXTRA I'M GOING IN CIRCLES
Can anyone stop this?????    nope
Its all in my mind.
Need to get off this merry go around.
I can be loony as anyone on here, just ask my therapist.
Far as reallyme being my counselor, won't trade her for beans not you bean 
If you met her in real life, you'll understand, she REAL, fun and truly cares.
Yes she comes as a know it all, but she has been there done that, studied , read most of the books on planet earth. And truly wants people free from the "N" in this world.
For I have  mother who is one. And dealing with her is something I don't know how to. Then reallyme came along. And pointed out something. By George she was right  and being bolder and not let others run me over as in the past.Have some confidences in whom I am. Not what others say I am.

OK NOW I'M FREE TO GET OFF THIS MERRY-GO-AROUND FOR AWHILE cwings