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Narcissism in Closeted Homosexuals

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tayana:

--- Quote ---Hope I’m not stereotyping too much here but you get the picture?

--- End quote ---


Yes, I get the picture.  My mom does that kind of thing with everyone.  She used to be an interior decorator, and she'd just go on and on about this person and that person, and she'd be all nicey-nice to them, then come home and talk about them.  She flirted with all of the men, and alienated many of the women, espeically younger, more attractive women.  Most of her clients were older people who were buying retirement homes.  So, I do see what your mom is doing.  She builds them up to make herself feel good, then tramples all over the people closest to her.


--- Quote ---A question: when she says "I have a real problem with those gays" have you asked her to elaborate? Would she say more?

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She would probably elaborate if I asked, and I've thought about it.  I just decided I really don't want to hear anymore bigotted remarks from her.  I tried and tried to educate her about AIDS, and I never succeeded.  She made a comment one time about getting AIDS from a toilet seat, and I told her that was almost impossible.  Yet, she got stuck with a used hyperdermic needle and never thought anything of it.  So, her remarks about gay people in general are the same.  I can ask and talk all I want, but her opinion will remain unchanged.


--- Quote ---Have you tried setting those boundaries? Like perhaps saying ‘Mom, it’s better if you only call me at work if there’s an emergency. I’m working and (I’ve been told? My boss has mentioned? Or some other white lie) it’s not professional to take lots of personal calls”. Have you tried this? Well done on breaking away to where you are now!
--- End quote ---



I've tried.  It doesn't work.  She doesn't listen to me, really.  She refuses to see me in any sort of adult light.  Anytime I do "adult" type things, she gets hysterical.  I went on vacation with a friend and took my son, she didn't speak to me for nearly three weeks, then had the nerve of accusing me of neglecting my son while we were away, and even planted the idea in his head that I was going to leave him in the hotel room alone.  When I bought my car, she insisted that I go through her insurance man, and when I didn't she blew up, told me I didn't know what I was doing, etc, that went on for a week or so, then she bought me an expensive gift to make up for it.  So, when I try to set boundaries, she either doesn't respect them or else blows the whole situation out of proportion.  I've decided it's just easier to make her mad and leave it at that.  My father tried to get me to talk to her over the vacation deal, and I refused.  I said I wasn't the one with the problem.  She had to get over it on her own.  

Thanks for the compliment.  I'm hoping to break away a little more in the future, or at the very least get the woman to see that I'm all grown up now and I don't need her to hold my hand.

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