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Sure sounds like bunny, doesn't it - short and to the point  :lol:

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Anonymous:
"Is it still my responsibility if someone reacts in a particular way to what they PERCEIVE me to have said or done, even if this was not my intention?"

If there was *no way* your actions could be seen as an ultimatum,
and if his perception is way off base, then let him know
that you didn't mean to end the friendship. Clear up the
misconception.


"I felt actually that by making my needs explicit, for once, that I was actually at last taking responsibility."

That's good. And he can respond however he wants.
He gave the honest feedback that he can't fulfill your needs.
That put the ball into your court: do you accept him just as he is
(he will not change), or do you let him go because the
price of friendship is too high?

Anonymous:
I feel like Jazz is being told to adjust, mold, accept, tolerate and in essence do everything she can to expect and accept that this friend is who he is, and will not change

Adapting and accepting are good things to do. From there, one can decide the next step.


but she is not being encouraged to express her needs and wants and then expect him to finally be forced to decide to adjust, instead of doing what's he's been doing all along, which is enjoying a friend who has basically been catering to his needs.

She already expressed her needs and wants. It didn't work with him. She has a choice: she can accept the facts (painful as they are) and move on. *OR* she can contact him to straighten out the wrong perception of an untimatum.

Jazz:
Hi, I would like to thank you again for your replies.
Jacmac, my instinct is to agree with a lot of what you say.I felt like I had been denying my own needs for too long, and that expressing them at last was the only way to protect myself.I'm not sure yet, because being without this guy is also painful, but it maybe that I have to stay away from him for my own emotional self-preservation.
And Guest, you have put my choices very succinctly, and pointed the way to beginning to see things as they are now.This is also helpful,because I was not seeing the wood for the trees.

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