Life is strange, isn't it?
Today I went to court, to fight for my daughter's right to be heard. Instead, I left with an agreement, made in front of a judge, that my daughter will be able to move with me. That's right. She will be allowed to move with me. It's over.....but....
we still need to hammer out an agreement on parenting time, travel, etc, etc... and for a while it looked like my ex was wavering...but his attorney insisted, it seemed that he not change his mind. So it looks like this now: She will get to move with me. We will try to come to an agreement (while he is working overseas, I guess...he left after the hearing) regarding a long distance parenting plan, child support changes, travel expenses, etc etc. If we cannot do this in the next week or so, we will then go to mediation for the same. But again and again, the judge and my lawyer kept clarifying: but d gets to go, right? YES, that is a fact. If mediation doesn't work, then there will be a hearing (still on the books for the original relocation) at the end of the month, to settle those things in the courtroom. It may still get messy.
I think all this happened because of a few things: my lawyer started playing hardball, insisting on knowing where every penny of his money is, etc... and I have always thought that his big fear is in being exposed in that department.
Or perhaps, he realized how futile it was. Or perhaps he really felt bad, putting his daughter through all of this.
Whatever the case, I thanked him after it was over and he wouldn't say anything, but gave me a look of well, pure hatred.
An hour later, he called me on his way to the airport. We had the first fairly normal discussion we have had in years.
I spent most of the conversation reasurring him that he was not "out" of his daughter's life by any means (I wanted to add that if that happens, it will be his doing...but I resisted).
I am very relieved, to say the least.
I want to add this, and it may sound sooo strange: before I went into the courtroom and while there, waiting for my attorney, I prayed/meditated... I did tonglen meditation, which is basically a practice of taking in the feelings we all have, the pain we all have, and doing my best to send love to the situation, to my ex. While doing this, I really felt love for him. Not romantic (YUCK) but really a true compassion for his part in this, and I felt a gratitude for his being in my life (however painful) and for making those incredible kids with me. I also knew that whatever happened in the courtroom today, I would accept as part of the devine plan, and let the pain involved teach me....and let it go, too.
I don't know if that had an impact on this situation, as I think he knew what he would offer coming in, but I did my best to really listen to him, to the judge and pay attention to what was going on, without reacting to it.. I was calm and centered, and it made a big difference...to me.
Thanks for listening and for supporting me and my d....I do know, that made a difference.
She still needs lots of prayers, as she is sad, so sad that he will not move to be near her. So she still feels torn. She is relieved, but sad.
