Conflict for me, personally

[reallyME]

Thanks Hops...actually this alignment that you noticed, is always with me.  It's just a matter of leaning toward the more melancholy, "feeling" part of who I am, rather than the choleric, headstrong, stubborn side of myself.

Laura

[petra]

Bean,
So why do you need to enter the discussion then....if its so boring....it feels like my feelings, which i am trying to be honest about, are being dismissed as irrelevant

[petra]

Bean,
I get what you are saying now, about the thread being about board members and that they (you) might be offended. Thanks for giving me the benefit of the doubt that i wasn't intentionally meaning harm. Sorry that i didn't extend you the same courtesy (note to self...its not all about me). Can't write any more at the moment cos i have to go to work.

[Hopalong]

BTW, just free-associating...I love to be liked and want to be amiable...but don't want to be "most" anything.

I'm allergic to popularity phrases because although aimiable, I was intensely bullied (botom of the pecking order) at school as a young child. I am liked by people now and feel rich in friends but have never forgotten what that whole schoolyard process of "ranking" people could do. (Not aimed at you especially Reallyme because I know you were just giving me a compliment, and thank you for that.)

As a ramble, another thought about what makes me tick...I think that's one reason I've always recoiled from competition, even in areas of life when it might have done me some good. I never could separate out healthy competition from cruelty. I always hated team sports (not to mention I was the uncoordinated geek, picked last)--as I got older enjoyed horseback riding, swimming, hiking, things you could do alone. I recoil from social snobbery (my town is full of it)...just makes me bananas, all the folks who feel "better" than others because they're just plain luckier. Grrr.

Well! That felt good. I think this place is like an online journal and support group put together.

Hope everybody has a gooooood sleeeeeeep,

Hops

[reallyME]

bean, it's all good with me...I have no need for  you to leave the thread unless you choose to.   Your stance about faith is about you, not me.  I'm fine with it.  Not everyone is going to believe and live the same way.  That's life and that's reality.

Blessya

RM

[moonlight52]

HI RM ,I just wanted to say Spiritually how My Faith differs with yours has been said by Sela.Yet I see you as a person RM that
wants to reach out in other ways.I do believe in trying to be as kind as I can .I fall short at times.But I do find most people are good
and kind.And the interesting thing is finding out how we are different and finding we respect each other anyway.
Moonlight

[reallyME]

bean,  I don't see you as paranoid either, and sugarre, I enjoyed your analogy of "walking dogs."  You summed up my stance very well, thank you, although, I am able to talk about things other than my personal relationship with my Lord, and have done so on this board several times, as I told the story about Jodi and other N's and situations I've dealt with.  Still, it's interesting to see how you view people like me who take strong, immovable stands for truth.

blessya,

RM

[Portia]

Bean and Sugarre

Quick question, really direct, an observation:

Why are you now talking about ReallyMe instead of talking to/with her?

Isn’t that a tad………….?

What do you think?

(I think it’s bad manners btw, especially on her thread. It’s something that triggers me when it happens, so I’m vigilant about it. It might not bother RM but it bothers me.)

[Hopalong]

Bean and Sugarre,
I truly understand your caution and discomfort. I think I keep grappling with this because it's part of my view of what needs to happen on this earth...we just have to find the people beneath the dogma (hah! no pun intended, but there you go!  ). The war is rumbling in the back of my brain...the Shiites and Sunnis, all faithful believers...struggling to see if they can get along. War there between groups who are different, wars in Africa between those who are different....

If it helps, my childhood experience tells me that RM is obediently following the dictates of her faith when she brings up walking the dog over and over. (Google full-gospel or WOF--Word of Faith Christianity and you'll get a fuller picture). So I figure the evangelism is RM being obedient to the spiritual rules she lives by. I'm not going to argue with anyone's faith unless they're trying to abuse me, and she's not. So what I do is listen for what I think of as the Rest of RM...and she's shared a lot of other things that matter to her and to us. I just read the dog-walking and say to myself, uh-huh, I recall and I believe you, and then keep looking. Ofteny there is something else in there to which I can relate or respond.

Bean hon, in my book a bit unkind to make a dig about RM's husband, the father of her children. I am sure plenty of people here have partners that may not be wonderful, but we don't shame them for it.

It may seem odd that I am persistent in my protectiveness of RM. I know it seems so, since hers at times sounds like the most aggressive nature on here (there have been others before, just as intense). I just sense the person underneath bombast (plus, I've heard no bombast at all since she got back from her retreat but now it's bit as though she's being goaded). I think what's is going on in many people in such faiths is a fragility that rigid beliefs prop up. So I don't want to attack. There's someone home.

I also respect the good works that accompany many people's faith, whether I walk the dogma with them or not.

I think RM is drawn here because there is something she needs here. Like we all are.

Happy Monday all, I don't wanna go back to work...

Hops

[Hopalong]

PS--good point Portia, and I apologize for the third person, ReallyMe.

Hops

[Portia]

Hops, hope your day gets better as it progresses! I think you make sound points above. Happy Monday!

Bean and Sugarre, I apologise for the use of bold back there....a sure sign of emotional input. I guess it says, hey this matters to me.

[Portia]

whoah Bean big privacy violation

please delete this and I'll delete this post! Okay? Thanks. And I don't think it's correct - not Christians - no! - others........ on PM if you want to, Okay?

Portia - you added to my hysteria when you PM'd me and stated some fundamentalist Christians in your community want to Kill people who don't believe their views.  Can you understand what affect that might have on me?   

[Portia]

No, changed my mind, it's okay leave it. No problem Bean. more soon...

[Portia]

Bean, okay, I understand that RM scares you and I see why from your post and also from knowing your past (the stalker which you posed about, which was truly terrible). I can see that.

Reality checking and testing!

What do I see here? I don’t see RM as recruiting. I can see that she likes to meet people online and then in real life. That’s her thing, it’s okay with me. It doesn’t mean I have to meet her. It doesn’t mean that I am in danger. I get to decide what I do. We all do. Some fear is understandable – doesn’t mean it is realistic. Is your fear based on the reality of right here and now?

About our PMs recently. What I said in PM to you was:

which is a step up from some fundamentalists who would kill those who disagree. They live about 10 miles from me. I don’t go there, literally.

I didn’t say they were Christians! Okay? The 7/7 London bombers took a train from Luton. I live close to Luton.

About PMs. What I say in PMs I take as private between myself and the other person. If you want to quote my PMs here, I’d rather you asked me (on PM) first. It would probably be okay with me but, as in this example, best to check the facts first. I didn’t say Christians – that could have caused huge problems here and it’s just one small missing fact. I realise you have assumed I meant Christians, but I didn’t. Better to check first!

Good post though Bean, you’re doing great in my book. Keep talking, communication is what eliminates doubt and fear and that’s good. 

[Portia]

More Bean , and ReallyMe/Laura too,

maybe I can invite you both to talk about this? Might be possible and might be useful, i don't know yet.

I understand why you're scared Bean. I think it has a lot to do with who you are. I'm not scared at all, honestly. Have you seen concrete examples of where RM was trying to recruit, openly, obviously, or is it more of a feeling you have (rather than facts)?

ReallyMe: do you think you have tried to recuit anyone, in any way, or do you think anyone here might have seen it that way (other than Bean)? (I don't see it that way but maybe you would like to find like-minded people here? And I'm not saying there would be anything necessarily wrong with that.)

I'm looking for how you both see it.

Personally, ReallyMe, if you want to actually meet people who you meet online, that's okay with me but I worry about your safety. I guess that sounds like I don't trust your judgement? So maybe I think, well, you know best for yourself and I won't judge you. But I might still worry! But then again....I've met people here who i would like to meet. So when I book a flight across the Atlantic, I intend letting you all know!