Hi,
I just surfed onto this forum with hopes someone can give me some insight.
Like mentioned in the subject line I was adopted at 3 wks by a perfectionist mother and an alcoholic father in hopes, the mother's, that I would save there marriage of 8 yrs. Dad drank and had short time affairs, a learned behavior I discovered (drinking & affairs).
After 13 yrs, my mother divorced Dad and married again, to a man SHE had been seeing on the side for 7 yrs. They have been married for over 30 yrs now.
Right after they married (the next day) this NEW MAN, informed me I was to follow his rules now because this was his home.
His home just happened to be the very same home my mother had talked my father into buying, decorating, landscaping and furnishing 7 yrs before!
Get the picture. He and her had plotted for 7 yrs to gain from this tryst at my father's expense. Granted my dad had his faults but he was a very tender hearted man who in-spite of his drinking and womanizing, gave my mother anything she could want. Clothes, car, house, jewelry etc. He worked for the same company and this now step father.
Dad was a blue collar worker, this stepfather was an ENGINEER who worked in the office where my Mom was a secretary. This man's salary was 3 times more then my Dad's.
Shortly after he married my mom he decided if I refused to follow his rules,
1. Don't expect time alone with Mom unless approved by him.
2. Your friends are Not allowed in his home unless HE approves.
3. Be seen not heard.
4. Unless you make all A+'s every privilege is taken away, TV, bike, telephone etc...
I could go on and on...
I ended up moving in with Dad. With his drinking more then ever it was not a real good time to day the least.
Since I moved out this man got worse. To many things to mention right now.
Fast forward 30+ yrs.
Mom has Alzheimer's and in a Nursing home, Top of the line with excellent care. Over 100 miles away. I discovered she was there 3 weeks after her admittance. He called only because her sister threatened to call if he didn't.
After my first visit, when I was informed I was not listed as a family member in her records, I was informed by the facility that I could only see my mother in the lobby, not in her living area, and only 1 day a week for an hour, BY HIS ORDERS. They said that he had tried to stop me from visiting completely but they refused. They told his that he would have to get a restraining order before the could enforce it.
Long story short...
While I cannot condone my mother's actions in how she set my dad up, Over the yrs I discovered many things that led me to believe this man coherst her to do it.
The important ones I Learned:
Mom suffered from severe depression before and after the divorce.
She was never a leader, always a follower.
Her chief complaint about my Dad besides his drinking and womanizing, was that she was tired of making all of the important decisions for the family.
She is his 3ed wife.
He divorced first wife to marry the 2nd.
He divorced his 2nd wife to marry Mom.
Does this seem to be a pattern or what?
Is it just me or does it seem possible that she was just "ripe" for his picking.
Jeannie
