Intention & the Universe

[Portia]

Hi Hops shall I read Victor Frankl - Man's Search for Meaning? Seriously. Or shall I carry on getting to my own conclusions through trial, error and good old fashioned thinking for myself? I love books but I haven’t read that. I find I often have theories or ideas that are in books, but unless I get there myself it’s not the same. Back up plan – one in mind? If you haven’t got one in mind, that will sustain fear I think. Just having a plan is a safeguard, frees your mind to concentrate on the now. If you put off thinking about a back up plan, you might be driven by fear and not by all the good stuff. Getting what you want requires concentration, belief and darn hard work. There is no easy way around doing the hard work. If there is an easier way, it’s enjoying what you’re doing. “Okay if all else fails we won’t exactly be destitute and living on the street, so that’s secure. Now what can I do to really get this moving and throw my whole mind into getting that very focussed objective?” ha, I’m self-talking here….and it’s starting to work! thanks Hops.

[Jona22]

Hop,
 
When declaring your intention don't say, "I will have _______!"  This will hold it off just around the corner.  You just can't quite reach it.  It's there but it is always in the future.

Say, "I now have __________!"   It may feel silly at first.  When you say it lots of negative thoughts will come up.  Those negative thoughts are actually what keeps you from receiving.  The more you say it the more you believe it.  Eventually you will feel a kind of "click" and you know that what you desire is yours and is not very far away.  At this point I always put it out of my mind for a while.  That is when it comes to me.

I had the most amazing experience a year ago last January.  My husband and I were looking for a house to buy.  We searched all over England and Wales.  In Wales I saw a house that I instantly wanted but it wasn't for sale.  It was an old white English cottage with black trim and a slate roof.  I kept this picture in my mind. 

A few weeks later we visited another area of England.  We spent three days looking at houses and we headed home feeling quite disappointed.  On our way home we had to take a detour.  I thought, "Oh good.  Maybe our house is on this detour."  I kept my eyes open for "for sale" signs but didn't see anything.  When we were back on the main road I stopped thinking about it.  About five miles later I spotted a white cottage with black trim with a for sale sign in front of it.  We turned around and went back and walked around it.  We couldn't see in because the drapes were closed.  We both thought it was beyond our budget but my husband called the estate agent anyway.  The asking price was exactly what we wanted to pay.  An agent came over and showed us the house.  We then went back home and called the next day and made an offer.

I am sitting in the dining room of that cottage right now. I could have so easily missed seeing the for sale sign.  We were going 50 miles an hour and I glanced back and just got a flash of a white cottage and a for sale sign.

Do an experiment.  Think of pigs.  Picture a pig in your mind.  Say pig to yourself over and over.  You will find that you see pigs everywhere you go. 

[lightofheart]

Hi Everyone,

Hops, heavens do I want to thank you again for starting this thread. Really, I've no words to express it.

Like others on Intention, I don't much believe in accidents. imho, the learning comes exactly when it's due...

Today, on my way out the door, my boss ambushed me and announced--open door, so nastily it actually took my breath away--that he plans to eliminate my job and create a new one he knows I'd never take, giving me less than a month to find work elsewhere. And I sat there, shocked, because (though I don't respect him or see much humanity in this man) it's been so long since I've lived with my father, I forgot what it's like to be sitting two feet from a person who feels bigger for whatever hurt he sees in my eyes.

Waited all the way home to cry. One dinner, ice cream, two walks, many hugs & a game of fetch later, re-read this whole thread...and felt so humbled by all you giving folks who tossed out lifelines. THANKS; tears of gratitude feel a whole lot better!

peace, good people

LoH

[Hopalong]

LoH,
I am SO sorry about your job, I know what a fearful shock it is.

Maybe we both can take everything that comes to this thread from our amazing friends here to heart, and really find a way to manifest the change (and security) we both need so urgently.

I hope you will take at least several days to be very, very kind to yourself. Then your mind can clear and you can start looking.

I hope in the long view, looking back, something wonderful will work out for you and you'll look back in gladness that you no longer work for that man.

(((((((((LoH))))))))))
I do understand what you're going through.

Hops

[lightofheart]

Morning Hops,

Aww, thanks for the hug (my 1st here) it means a lot. Such a gift you give. (((((((((Hops))))))))))

Maybe we both can take everything that comes to this thread from our amazing friends here to heart, and really find a way to manifest the change (and security) we both need so urgently.

That's a fab plan you suggest. The feeling of security goes much deeper than jobs or houses themselves, doesn't it? There are so many self-worth questions and core-changing emotions interwoven in a job search or feelings of HOME. You say it so well here: manifest change and urgent needs. I feel a lot of power in your words, Hops, and more resolved just for reading this. Thanks.

I really think everything happens for a reason, that good can be plumbed from most pain. Have you ever heard the adage Luck equals Preparation meets Opportunity? imho, even ugliness can help prepare me for the next opportunity. So I'm more grateful than worried. Good timing? I work one more day this week and have 3 birthday parties between now and Sun., starting today. And for all the hatefulness he radiates, my boss has no power over me, or how I feel about anything. He's just a very loud truck I have to pass.

Thanks for your understanding, Hops, it's a gift. I think I understand what you're going through, too. This house is the first place that's felt like home to me since I was eight (had no memory of how security felt). It's the safest, most loving place in the world, surrounded by rolling hills and my mother's irises. Your home is just as close to your heart, I bet. Well worth striving to keep.

Power for your journey, Hops. And thanks to all for the sharing here.

LoH
 

[Jona22]

L of H

Losing a job, especially in the way you did, is a real shock.  I am sorry this has happened to you.

I think Hop is right.  Take a few days, a week to just process what has happened to you and clear your mind.  I know from experience that rushing out right away and applying for jobs left and right in the first few days has been a waste of time.  I don't think even declaring your intention to have a new, wonderful, better job would work in the first few days.

This almost exactly same thing just happened to my son.  I am going to tell you what I told him.  This is a blessing in disguise.  It still feels rotten and scary.  

Just know in your heart, in your deepest self, that there is a wonderful, better job for you and that it will come to you.  You will end up in a better place.

I think sometimes things like this happen to jar us lose from something that no longer suits us and sends us on to something much better.  We usually don't recognize it at the time it is happening.  

[28Qs]

Absolutely a newbie,
Just registered,
Got kicked out of another site..for beiing intoxicated while I post..then maybe I am a man..then maybe my way of communicating is different...then on the other hand maybe the members are too fixed in their ways..
Chanced upon here, curious what this site is all about?..
Myself doing NC with sincereity..a relationship of 3 years..
Thinks I understand most of it..still having a hard tiime..

Would appreciate if someone says welcome..appreciate just reading a few posts and the feeliing of it..

28Qs

[Portia]

Hello 28Qs (28 questions?), welcome

This site used to have a sub-heading:
“A forum to discuss your experiences with Voicelessness and emotional survival”

does that help? I think Dr G’s essays explain it pretty well too.

Is NC - no contact? Do you mean with your relationship of 3 years?

Here’s a tip though: it might be a good idea to start your own thread (click on New Topic, right hand, middle, second button in). You’re in someone’s thread here and you might get more welcomes and replies on your own thread. (You can take my question there if you wish.)

[Hopalong]

LoH,
Thank you so very much for understanding this:

This house is the first place that's felt like home to me since I was eight (had no memory of how security felt). It's the safest, most loving place in the world, surrounded by rolling hills and my mother's irises. Your home is just as close to your heart, I bet. Well worth striving to keep.

In my case, it's the memory of my kind great-uncle (a grandfather to me), an architect, and my father (sweet, dear anti-N) sitting at the dining room table working on the plans together in 1963. GreatUncle lived with us for six months until the plans were done and building well underway. In more recent life NMom has dominated this space, but if I am able to stay here after she is gone (which hinges on employment)...I will reclaim those happier memories and reinhabit it with love, celebration, happy gatherings, art, and a simpler aesthetic than her infernal kitsch and clutter collection!

Hops

[IamNewtoMe]

Hi all,

I really like this thread, though I am so sorry to hear of Hopalong's and LightofHeart's job worries. 

There is so much wisdom on this thread!  I wish I had something productive to contribute, but I am so new to this.  I am learning a lot!

One thing I thought of when reading your posts is something a friend and co-worker once said to me. This guy was a rough-around the edges, motorcycle-riding, sort of philosopher (Bean - I have no doubt he had read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance!)   One day I was particularly worried about messing something up on the job.  We were working together and came up with a solution to the problem we were working on.  Before we forged ahead, he signed and said "Well, even if we do mess up, ain't no babies gonna die!" It was kind of a dark sentiment, but it made me laugh.  It put things into perspective.  Similar to Portia's question (what's the worst that could happen?).  Nothing we did would cause the worst thing imaginable.  And he was right.  Sometimes when I get stressed out about something I am trying to do, I tell myself that.

[lightofheart]

Hi there, Folks of Intention,

Thanks for your good thoughts, IamNewtoMe, and Welcome 28Qs

Jona, thank you, it's good to know your found your cottage...am running wild with your advice & picturing pigs. Best to your son as well (imho, you're right, it is a blessing when people who can't appreciate us, in whatever setting, let us go. And vice versa).

Oh, Hops,

This is just beautiful:

In my case, it's the memory of my kind great-uncle (a grandfather to me), an architect, and my father (sweet, dear anti-N) sitting at the dining room table working on the plans together in 1963. GreatUncle lived with us for six months until the plans were done and building well underway...I will reclaim those happier memories and reinhabit it with love, celebration, happy gatherings, art, and a simpler aesthetic than her infernal kitsch and clutter collection!

[/color]

Would you consider telling us more about your house? It sounds like there's just so much more on the tip of your tongue, a wealth of pictures. Maybe you've lived most of your life there? So far as intention goes, the way you see yourself reclaiming it is as moving as anything I've read here...can see the grain of the dining room table under their hands, the curl of a blueprint. Thank you for that.

God, if it could be bottled. What could be stronger than family love ties cemented to the place you know for your own true home?

I hope you understood, in my 1st post, that I wasn't suggesting you should let go, Hops--just mapping one little road to optimism. I think you get how hard it was to even voice the idea of selling (among other ties, the dog of my life is buried here; called a lawyer friend, sobbing, to see if we could get grave visitation written into a sale contract). But there was a palpable, purposeful change that minute I accepted it might have to be. I wasn't any less determined to fight for this place; only something shifted, and I saw very clearly that it would take every ounce of positive focus I had, or even aspired to have, to make it work, to realize my intention.

That's why I feel so sure this is all going to work out for you, Hops: because you have that clear, burning need of a good heart to keep your own peace there. That job is yours...you just haven't found it yet. imho, we're all with you, if that counts for anything.

Please take good care of Hops. No, the best care.

LoH

PS - Infernal Kitsch would make an excellent band name, imo. What do you think?

[Hopalong]

Thanks so much, LoH...that's tremendous understanding and support you offer.
The house has pleasing proportions, a lovely back yard with a mix of mature hardwoods.
It's in an ordinary neighborhood...it's just not ordinary to me.

I think I won't rhapsodize too much though, as I don't want to build up expectations. I HAVE been stating my intention, though, thanks to all of you who showed me how. Been doing it several times a day and it feels GOOD.

Despite NMom, after my divorce and my dad's death, it was good to come back here.
I have friends and community here too, which doubles my determination to stay in this town.

Hops

[Portia]

Infernal Kitsch – open a shop in that name and my mother will be the first and biggest customer. I love it! Thanks LoH.

Hops, the thing I’m thinking is: you need a certain job so that you have enough money so that when your mom dies you’ll be able to buy out your brother’s share of the house? I don’t know. If this is the case, is the amount of cash and the constant worry worth it? I realise you have a wealth of love and memories and good associations tied up with the house. I understand that, I think, it’s your base and your rock.

What if you can’t achieve it? Can you take your cash and buy somewhere smaller close by? Can you afford to stay close to your friends and in the same neighbourhood? Maybe there’s a wee house waiting for you somewhere?

The happiest times of my life were spent at my grandparents’ home and at another house in my adult years. Both those buildings have undergone massive change over the years (one has been totally rebuilt, the other substantially changed). Change is okay. The thing is, they are buildings, they’ll be around in one shape or another (as bricks, wood or dust) long after we’ve all gone. The memories and associations are in our heads and they’ll stay there.

I read this Hops ‘as I don't want to build up expectations’ and I thought maybe you don’t expect this to happen, maybe you’d rather change and move on but it’s scary to imagine? Having new choices and alternatives is scary, freedom is scary to me! I don’t know. Growth, change, new vistas, possibilities etc.

?

PS edit in

I was just thinking….is it also tied up with duty, responsibility, guilt…in some way. I don’t think anyone is responsible for maintaining a Family History? I think we’re responsible for living our own lives. We don’t have to pay respect or regard to those who are dead; we have to live *now*, with our knowledge, experience and history in our head. What do you think Hops? 

[Jona22]

A psychic once told me that sometimes decisions have to be made when we don't want to make them and the universe has a way of forcing us to do so.  This was said during a conversation about me having to sell my beloved house. 

Twice I have had to do this with homes that I intended to stay in for the rest of my life.  With the first one, I cried a lot and became depressed over it.  I didn't want to leave the community I was in and ended up buying a smaller house in that community.  I also loved this little cottage type house and thought I would stay there for the rest of my life.  One by one all of my friends moved away.  The community was changing and it wasn't changing in a good way.  Then it became apparent that I was going to have to find a different job.  I had a new boss and she was either a psychopath or a narcissist--I am not sure which.  Did I look for another job?  No, I clung to it with desperation. I had worked there for seven years and most of the employees had been there longer than I.  One by one they all quit.  Most of them didn't even give notice.  I felt like I was living in the twilight zone.  Then one day my new boss called me into her office and spent 20 minutes ranting and raving about what an awful job I was doing.  Everytime I said something she accused me of criticizing her.  I made my decision in a split second.  Without saying anything to her, I stood up and walked out of her office. She followed me part way down the hall screaming at me. I went into my office, picked up the two things in there that I wanted to keep and then went to my car.  I drove home and never went back.

There is no unemployment compensation when you walk off a job.  I had about $4000 in the bank.  My boyfriend at the time told me I needed to go back to the public schools.  I sobbed that there were no jobs in public schools in my subject area.  I knew there weren't because I had been looking for a long time.  After he left, I dug out the Sunday paper and looked in the want ads.  I did it just to prove to myself that I was right--there were no jobs in my field.  Well, my eyes must have bugged out because about the fifth ad down was a job asking for my exact qualifications.  It was in a community about a two hour drive away from where I was living.

I got the job and my salary was $13,000 more a year than what I had been making.  It turned out that the principal and I had attended university together and had taken many classes together. 


OK, I had to sell another house that I wanted to keep.  But I ended up with a much nicer, bigger house that I also loved just as much as the others.

My point in telling all of this is that sometimes we try very hard to hang on to something that we have our hearts set on and that we want to keep forever.  We tightly close our fist around it and just won't let go even when things are becoming very difficult.  But there is something better for us out there that the universe wants to give us. 

[Portia]

Wow Jona, inspiring, truly!

That moment when we ‘snap’, when you turned, got your stuff and left the job, aren’t those moments…momentous? I stayed too long in a job too but the leaving was wonderful. And yes, when change happens, it’s not as bad as I thought it might be. We can make plans, try to control the outcomes, enforce order on the chaotic world - and things have a way of not doing what we want; I guess embracing those possibilities as opportunities for change, growth…

But….why are so many bosses psychotic?