Author Topic: What's your best quality?  (Read 6285 times)

lightofheart

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Re: What's your best quality?
« Reply #15 on: June 26, 2006, 07:20:07 AM »
Hi Beth,

What Hops said: thank you, this was an awfully sweet going away gift.

Hope we'll still be hearing from you, and life is good good good on your journey.

To your best quality of Live and let Live, I'd add: strong, giving & eager to learn...forward-focused and glad of it.  :D

((((Beth))))

Happy summer to you,
LoH


Certain Hope

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Re: What's your best quality?
« Reply #16 on: June 26, 2006, 11:14:53 AM »
Dear Beth,

Thank you. To me, you have the most gentle heart and sweet spirit, with eyes to see the best and a hope that can't be stifled. Blessings on all you do! Come back and visit when you can.

With love,
Hope

Sela

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Re: What's your best quality?
« Reply #17 on: June 26, 2006, 04:46:33 PM »
Thanks for thinking of me and for your lovely gift of warm words.

Beth:  Thoughtful, considerate, kind and generous.

Have a fantastic summer!!

 :D Sela

Stormchild

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Re: What's your best quality?
« Reply #18 on: June 26, 2006, 05:28:35 PM »
:oops: :oops: thank you Beth :oops: :oops:

wishing you a beautiful summer and a joyous reunion with your husband - may he come safely through his tour and return to you with even more wisdom and love than he already has - blessings on you and everyone you love.
The only way out is through, and the only way to win is not to play.

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pennyplant

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Re: What's your best quality?
« Reply #19 on: June 26, 2006, 09:47:43 PM »
Beth,

This is a cool thread because it forces people to make a positive tape.  Maybe that positive tape will be louder and more persistant than the negative tape.  The one in my head that I'm working on erasing.  Or taping over.

Thank you for seeing something in me that I like to think is there and which maybe got a little covered up over the years.  I'm working on taking off the layers and letting that part of me become what it should become.  The best part of me.  So, it's not my imagination, is it?  No, it's not.

All the best to you this summer and while your husband is gone.  I hope that time goes by fast.  Well, not too fast.  It's not good to wish away the months and years.  I just hope it all goes well.

Love, Pennyplant
"We all shine on, like the moon, and the stars, and the sun."
John Lennon

gratitude28

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Re: What's your best quality?
« Reply #20 on: June 26, 2006, 10:23:04 PM »
Hi PP,
I think you are right. I am trying to replace those ugly words that used to pop out of nowhere with kinder words... beat them to the punch as it were :) I really think it does work. I think that you can think your way into a more positive frame of mind. (Boy, am I using enough cliches here or what???)
Sunday we took my husband to the airport. We both kind of ran in opposit directions when it came down to sending him off to the gate. I am honestly glad that it is underway now... that way we know it's on the countdown until he comes home. Although, like you said, penny, I don't like to wish away time. We have soe nice things planned for while he is gone. We are also super-fortunate in that he will have personal Internet connection while there. The kids asked a million questions (How long is it really? Is it longer than when we moved here? Why does dad have to go?) and so on. But we talked and they seem OK with things.
I am feeling super lazy at work this week. I am ready for a break too I think.
Thanks to you all here, I feel that I will be strong for this trip and able to take everything pretty well. I am a bit worried about making a "case study" of my mother. I feel like I will be looking at her with different eyes. It's kind of hard to see a bug under a microscope as your own mom. Of course, I know I will have strange emotions and confusion too. Oh, who even knows what I am babbling about?????
Take care everyone.
Love, Beth
"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable." Douglas Adams

pennyplant

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Re: What's your best quality?
« Reply #21 on: June 26, 2006, 10:34:33 PM »
Beth,

It will help so much that your husband has internet access.  About three years ago, my husband had to go to Sicily with his Navy reserve unit.  It lasted for four months and happened to come at a time when we were having a big problem because of some of my personal issues.  I was really worried about the timing and how long he would be gone and whether he would be safe.  The internet saved us.  We emailed several times a day when possible and told each other everything we were thinking.  Things we might not have been brave enough to talk about in person.

I don't think that is happening with you--what I'm saying is, email is so immediate and personal.  Not like the phone, of course, but certainly better than letters.  We were so relieved and happy to have that option.  It will keep each of you up to the minute with each other's lives.  If it could get us through such a difficult time as we were having, it will be a great bonus to you and your family, I promise you  :D .

Just wanted to reassure you, Beth, as I have some experience with these kinds of separations.  This is one great use of technology to have email at times like these.

Pennyplant
"We all shine on, like the moon, and the stars, and the sun."
John Lennon

Portia

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Re: What's your best quality?
« Reply #22 on: June 27, 2006, 06:00:33 AM »
Beth

What a generous and courageous thing you did. Thank you!

Portia: Helps others in order to grow herself. Takes an interest in people that is insightful, caring and helpful. I guess I would like to help people, children like I was, but what stops me in this thinking is the idea that I don’t have the answer, and I think there are others – more normal, healthy others – who can do it better. I just know that at the deep end chance plays such a huge part and it’s difficult to remain optimistic in the face of certain given circumstances. And the part we can play is so small. But small steps make a big difference I guess!

I am a bit worried about making a "case study" of my mother. I feel like I will be looking at her with different eyes. It's kind of hard to see a bug under a microscope as your own mom. Of course, I know I will have strange emotions and confusion too.

It’s a bit scary, the thought of seeing your mother differently, like you’re going against the rules? There are no rules really; just trying to see people and situations more clearly, maybe trying to understand why people, like your mom, are the way they are and not blaming them for it. Blame the behaviour! Not the person.

My mother’s been the bug under my microscope and it’s been shocking: but she hasn’t been aware of it and it hasn’t hurt her. In fact it may have helped. If I hadn’t have looked closely, I might instead have voiced my thoughts to her and that wouldn’t have helped, not in her case.

Strange emotions and confusion – maybe. Shock, anger…etc, all normal reactions.   

I hope it goes as well as it can. There’ll be ears hear* to listen whenever you need – or want – them! Best wishes to you on your trip Beth. (* here / hear / my language skills are slipping wildly)

PS Wanted to add one for -

H&H: a huge kindness and a trust in people and their best intentions; someone who has survived and thrived without a trace of bitterness or resentment. H&H amazes me :D
« Last Edit: June 27, 2006, 06:28:19 AM by Portia »

jon

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Re: What's your best quality?
« Reply #23 on: June 27, 2006, 06:21:46 AM »
Im glad I found this website. You guys are amazing, really. I feel selfish after seeing the stuff you guys do for each other.

lightofheart

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Re: What's your best quality?
« Reply #24 on: June 27, 2006, 10:37:31 AM »
What's your best quality, Jon?

imho, every step you take toward seeing what's good and wonderful and unique in you will help unwind what Pennyplant called the negative tape in your head. You're amazing too, Jon. Coming here is a step toward discovering or remembering exactly how amazing.

 :)

gratitude28

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Re: What's your best quality?
« Reply #25 on: June 27, 2006, 08:29:12 PM »
Gosh, did I forget H&H... That's why I was a little afraid to do this. I didn't want to leave anyone out!!! H&H to me you are wise and calm. You seem like the eye in the storm to me.  Also, I missed Sugarre, I know... Forthright. Likes to cut to the chase and take action with recovery. Jon... you are new to the group... but I see you as a caring and kind person. You remind me of a longtime friend I have named John, too. I think you are deciding how far you really want to delve into things.

Portia, I think you are right, It won't affect my mother one way or another how I look at her, but it WILL protect me. Honestly, for all my "I understand this now" posting, I still have this tiny wisp of a belief that I am wrong and she is not like that. It doesn't help that she fits the pattern so well... that she is completely inconsistent and alternates the meanness and hate with likeable childishness and occasional kind behavior.
"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable." Douglas Adams

Hopalong

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Re: What's your best quality?
« Reply #26 on: June 27, 2006, 11:11:33 PM »
Ow, Beth...
Quote
she is completely inconsistent and alternates the meanness and hate with likeable childishness and occasional kind behavior

This reminds me of the old "intermitten reinforcement" experiments where rats or monkeys were rewarded sometimes and given electric shocks sometimes, and sometimes the cycle seemed almost predictable, so they'd try to anticipate, but then the pattern would twist on them again and eventually they'd just give up on the food and sit there, paralysed. And obviously depressed.

Hmm.  :(

Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

gratitude28

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Re: What's your best quality?
« Reply #27 on: June 27, 2006, 11:17:17 PM »
Wow Hops,
My first instinct was to laugh when you said that, but then the seriousness of it sunk in. You are right! Truly you amaze me with your insights! It is rather sick, isn't it???? Push, pull, tug, toss...
Thank goodness I have a wonderful husband, second family, you all here and my kids and dog. God has been kind to me. (Still a ahrd thing for me to say... I have been agnostic for a long time. Working on the Higher Power thing :)).
Love, Beth
"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable." Douglas Adams

Portia

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Re: What's your best quality?
« Reply #28 on: June 28, 2006, 07:27:28 AM »
This reminds me of the old "intermitten reinforcement" experiments where rats or monkeys were rewarded sometimes and given electric shocks sometimes, and sometimes the cycle seemed almost predictable, so they'd try to anticipate, but then the pattern would twist on them again and eventually they'd just give up on the food and sit there, paralysed. And obviously depressed.

Oh Hops, I know the experiments proved things and I’m for that, but I don’t like suffering, even animals in experiments…..it’s cruel isn’t it?

What does it say about the scientists …

at least (I imagine) Beth, your mother doesn’t intend to do this to you, even if this is the effect of her actions…the intention is different. Scientists are doing it for ‘science’ but even so, the suffering is kind of intended! I hate the monkey tests. They’re so close to humans (ahh, as is the fruit fly…I know… :?)

Hopalong

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Re: What's your best quality?
« Reply #29 on: June 28, 2006, 02:14:39 PM »
I accept the necessity of perhaps some animal testing but can't stand the ones that seem designed to "prove common sense." As with intermitten reinforcement:
who wouldn't guess that this would create depression and insecurity, when they really look at it? And cosmetics? Deodorants? Why should animals sit in cages for that? Sorry, always a soapbox.

I'm very grateful for the benefits of science, but now and then, I'd like to read a description that says:
25 scientists were put in small cages with electrodes....
25 scientiests were put in small cages without electrodes...
Neither group knew whether they were assigned to the experimental, control, or placebo condition... :evil:...and then a free chimpanzee who'd had the loveliest little veggie curry for lunch with a smart Merlot went around randomly flipping the switches...

((((((((Beth)))))))) & ((((((((Portia, who has sacrificed her emoticons and space bar, maybe it's like getting a new haircut------------------------do YOU like it, is all I wanna know............))))))))))))))))
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."