CPS contacted - Oh my God

[movinon]

Okay all,  Now I'm feeling really scared.  I went to the DV center today for a meeting with my counselor and she informed me she had to call CPS - tonight.  She said they should be talking to me, my D, and stbxh.  I'm scared they'll take her away from me, I'm scared they won't find anything... I scared they WILL find something...I'm scared about the intrusive physical they will do...I'm REALLY scared of how he will react and what he will do...I'm scared I won't answer the questions right.

When they say why are you coming forth now?  How I want to answer that is that I have asked my stbxh to stop showering and sleeping w/ my D and wanted to give him the opportunity to stop... I didn't want to think he was capable of that...I've been making a list so I could remember and came to some harsh realizations...Even though he claims to be in recovery for sexual addiction, he has displayed SICK, SICK sexual behavior (even after mentoring others)

Any thoughts?

Movinon

[Hopalong]

I have neve dealt with the system so defer to veterans here.
But it does sound as though you are preparing and taking these steps with more awareness, more preparation, more integrity, and more good mother love, than anytihing else.

I see your success.
Hops

[mum]

It's ok, Movinon.
You have NOTHING to fear. Everything you explained here makes total sense. Not everyone will twist what you say. Some people will hear you straight. Don't worry.
     The DV center is following the law...it's called the Mandatory Reporting Law in this state and they would be breaking it not to report the "suspicion" of "possible" abuse. That is ALL they need to report. People (people I love, actually) have lost their entire  careers because of how strict this law can be.
     Have faith. This is the way it is flowing right now. This is the path this is taking. There is no way you could have directed this to another path. It's OKAY. YOU have NOTHING to fear. YOU have done NOTHING but love your child.
     This may make you feel better: my good friend and several of her colleagues were ARRESTED and relieved from their jobs as educators for not reporting abuse FAST enough (even though the short delay was taken because of how poorly a previous child had been treated by the police...). Anyway, the father/perpetrater is now in jail, but the MOTHER and GRANDMOTHER who would have had to be blind to not see this going on in their own home, were not charged with anything at all. The feeling is that EVERYONE in the home is also scared and victimized as well.
Breathe in the fear and let it go on the outbreath....back to where it belongs....to HIM. HE brought this all on you and your child. YOU DID NOT. What you set in motion was to end this....you did not start whatever difficulties must be endured now to end it. This is something you can and will endure and OVERCOME!!

[Healing&Hopeful]

Hi Movinon

I'm afraid I haven't got anything to offer here, but just wanted to let you know that I'm sending you strength at this time and you and your daughter are in my thoughts.

Take care

H&H xx

[Cadbury]

I can understand your worry so much. Please stay strong. My exN called social services (I think that's the UK equivalent of CPS) and I had to sit in my lounge and answer ridiculous accusations of abuse (my father to me and my children - according to exN) with a police officer and a senior social worker. I was terrified, but I answered all their questions honestly and they saw the truth. The only advice I would have is not to take this personally. The people involved are doing a job. They don't know you, they don't know your daughter. They are coming into your life to check that everything is as it should be. With you, you know they can't find anything wrong, so just answer their questions truthfully and they should see that you are a good mother. With your stbxh they may find a few issues of concern. These issues will concern him and his relationship with your daughter. You shouldn't get punished because of his behaviour. Yo ucan show them that you have had concerns for a while, that you gave him a chance by warning him to stop the behaviour you found worrying and he didn't. If he has done nothing wrong, he will have nothing to worry about. IF he has done something wrong then that is not your problem. I have found (through my counsellor) that I often feel guilt for things that are not my fault. You may do the same (having both been through the same kind of crap ), so take care of yourself and don't feel bad about any of this. Yo uare doing what is best for your daughter and that is all. You are a good mother and you have done nothing wrong. If your stbxh doesn't like the situation the nmaybe he should start to question himself. (unlikely, but you can hope).

You can do this, I will be thinking of you (((((movinon)))))

[Hopalong]

I just want to echo Mum:

Breathe in the fear and let it go on the outbreath....back to where it belongs....to HIM. HE brought this all on you and your child. YOU DID NOT. What you set in motion was to end this....you did not start whatever difficulties must be endured now to end it. This is something you can and will endure and OVERCOME!!

 
and Cadbury:

...don't take it personally....just answer their questions truthfully and they should see that you are a good mother

These sound like extreme wisdom to me,
I add my extreme support! Don't panic, MovinOn,
do breathe steadily, don't demonize them or try to maneuver...
just speak the truth and PUT YOUR SHAME AWAY.
(They will see how much your love your daughter.)

Hugs,
Hopalong

[Sela]

Movinon:

You will get through this and all will work out for the better.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Movinon))))))))))))))))))))))

If there are any attempts to make you out as somehow nonprotective of your child... refute those by reminding that person that this is being investigated because you became concerned and starting seeking assistance.....talking about it.

My thoughts and prayers are with you today.

Sela