Good points, Write. I believe I found the facility on the Net and it's both a residentail center for kids with mental health problems and also some with substance abuse problems...and there's a school attached to it. I'm not sure about the visiting ban yet, but he did say they're waiting for a list of things that she's allowed to have, and that the director's a very tough competent man...so it sounds very much like the usual controlled environment. Wouldn't be unusual not to allow family there the first few weeks.
I am very mindful that I don't have (nor want) a significant role in this sad situation except to send affectionate cards to my niece, maybe permissible care packages, and hopefully speak to my SIL now and then. Otherwise, we're half a continent apart, so I won't be knee-deep. And we haven't been very close. (NMom has had many myths in her head about family closeness, but the truth is, we're not.)
I have had a minor miracle about my back. It still hurts after work (the chair) but the pain is reduced by 50% because I'm taking the new antidepressant, Cymbalta, that also has an effect on nerve pain. Amazing.
I feel as though I fizzled on my Daughter thread, will try to catch everyone up there soon. (I did let her know about her cousin...no response. But I'm okay letting go now, letting her take her time.)
Hops