Narcissist's Victims

[portia guest]

I’ve just read pages 2 and 3 of this thread for the first time because someone mentioned it to me privately (otherwise I might not have read these pages at all). I don’t feel emotional or inclined to comment on anything other than ask:

Plucky, what’s up? It doesn’t sound like you.

Because nearly no one on this board cares about it.

This sounds to me like it’s emotion that goes beyond this thread. Is it? Are you okay?   

I’m not reading all the threads. I don’t have time and it’s too hot to think. Bye for now.

[portia guest]

More thoughts:

Certain Hope,

But you have no right to tell us how we should think or feel or what should be our truth.

Everyone has the right to say, to voice, what they want to here (subject to Dr G).

We can say whatever we wish; what we can’t do is control other people’s responses.

Other people can choose to feel violated or offended; or they can choose to think “it’s nothing to do with me” (not take it personally); or they can perhaps ask themselves why the person who has spoken is saying such things. There are probably other responses I haven’t thought of just now.

What do you think about these ideas?

[portia guest]

Certain Hope, thanks for your reply.

I agree with your statement that   Everyone has the right to say, to voice, what they want to here (subject to Dr G).     ........  including me.

Yes, of course including you, why not including you? And everyone has the right to respond to you as they wish.

I also agree with your statement that  what we can’t do is control other people’s responses. ....... and that includes you.

Of course it includes me, why wouldn't it?

I wonder why you have chosen to point out to me what I already know?

Do you feel that I am trying to control your response and if so, why?

[Plucky]

I do know that the Black culture often tends to be rather violent and intolerant with their children for some reason, from my experience.

I think it is appalling that this statement is not seen as offensive, while my use of a figure of speech is heard as offensive.  In case there is someone who does not know it, 'pearls before swine' is a saying that I did not make up, which means that sharing information with someone who is unable or unwilling to receive it is a waste of time.  I was not calling anyone a swine.

Nor have I called anyone a racist.  I do not think it valid to label anyone that way.  However, racist behaviour and comments do exist, and anyone is capable of making this sort of error.  Having an act of yours identified as racist is not the kiss of death.  It could be a learning opportunity.

I was hoping with my questons to ReallyMe that she take another look at what she had written and perhaps say, you know I don't really believe that.  Instead, she bolstered her opinion and stood behind it.    That was really disappointing.  ReallyMe, I hope you will reconsider this stance, mainly in light of how sweeping it is.   That alone is what racism consists of to me - making generalisations on the basis of race along with our limited personal experience.  It is very tempting to do.

Since you have a close friend who is African American, how about you run that statement by her and see how she feels?  At the same time, have you expressed your opinion to her about her own childraising skills?  As a friend, you are in a position to make a difference, if anyone is.  Better that , than to keep this hidden in your thoughts when you could be doing some good.

It sounds as if you plan to work with children.  When you encounter a black child,  since you 'know' he is likely to be mistreated by his parents, how would you behave in that situation?

Let's not turn this into a sniping match.  Sugarre has the right to comment on anything and anyone.  I have the right to say that the deafening silence, given the alacrity with which the vast majority of posts are jumped on and responded, gave me the impression that no one cares about the topic.  I understand that for some it was too hot a topic - but isn't that the case for anything that is said up here?  Normally there is a group capable of a response.  This time, that group did not exist.  And it is still difficult to see why.

Plucky

[Overcomer]

Excuse me for interrupting this thread and where it has gone, but I just read it and I would like to go back to the original text.  I was so relieved to read the term NARCISSISM VICTIM SYNDROME.  I have it!!  I had a conversation with my Nmom today and it was weird because I think deep down inside she wants to have a very good relationship with me - she yearns for it - but her N gets in the way.  I haven't brought myself to tell her I think she has a diagnosis and it is that of Narcissism.............she would poo poo on that just like she does every single day of my life.

Has anyone else seen or heard the term other than by Mary Kay or whatever her name is?  I would like to do some research on it....even teach a class......or start a support group!!

[Stormchild]

Plucky, I'll start a new thread on your topic. I think it's extremely important and deserves more visibility.

[reallyME]

Plucky:

I was hoping with my questons to ReallyMe that she take another look at what she had written and perhaps say, you know I don't really believe that.  Instead, she bolstered her opinion and stood behind it.    That was really disappointing.  ReallyMe, I hope you will reconsider this stance, mainly in light of how sweeping it is.   That alone is what racism consists of to me - making generalisations on the basis of race along with our limited personal experience.  It is very tempting to do.

how was your hope that I'd say "you know, I don't really believe that," any different from a narcissistic attempt at rendering me voiceless in my views?  My friends of color would terribly disagree with anyone labeling me a racist...I am FAR FROM IT, however, my African-American friend would also vouch to you that her culture tends to raise children to obey without talking back and with risk of a "whoopin" if they do, the male folk dominating and cruelly controlling their wives and females in the culture, and the children having attitudes against others, in which they rule and the others are to obey them.  I've seen it too many times to say it's not so.  If, in your eyes, my black friend and my opinion makes us racist, then I guess you can see it that way...but I am entitled to what I believe and have experienced, and, as I said "FROM MY EXPERIENCE" if you read the post a bit closer, this has been the case.

~Laura