Certain Hope, I will paste your words here, the better for me to reply to you and sconsdier your words aas I type, I hope that way of posting is okay with you, if not, you can tell me of course. Just one post right now - and a big doggy smile to Hops whose post I read (is it here? i think so) and which made me grin from ear to ear, I liked it Hops, thank you! - anyway where was I:
Portia, I did not intend to be "mean" or to hurt you. I am sorry if you are feeling damaging pain because of anything I said. I hope that any pain we all might experience through this will be growing pains, positive and healthy.
I still haven't read pages 1 and 2 BUT I know you were respoding to what I said to Storm. What I said to Storm was meant for Storm and the words I used and the tone I used were particularly intended for Storm - and not for anyone else. Why do I say that? Becasue your reaction, i think, is about how I react to Storm. Well, how I react to Storm is about me, and her. It's not about how I react to you. Do I react to everyone like that? i don't think so.
I think I love this question most of all the questions I can think of: "why?"
In any situation, in any sense, the word 'why' gets us going deeper, looking foir understanding.
So don't worry about what you've said back there. I don't feel at all damaged or hurt by anything you've said before and I doubt very much i will now, because I'm getting more information about you, the type of person you are. What does that mean? I mean, the people who hurt me are those people who are in terrible pain, who suffer so damn much that they lash out, that their pain causes them to erect fantastic and awful defences, defences that prove the depth of their pain. Other people's pain is the most hurtful thing in the world to me. I have no doubt that you too hurt and have your life pains Certain Hope, but I sense, from seeing you here, that those pains do not stop you from trying to solve them: you have hope in your name and that is telling. please know that you have not pained me.
Nothing I expressed was done with the spin that Sela tried to put on it,
I will support Sela here, who I've known a long time. Sela has driven me to distraction with questioning, with bevaviour modification type advice and I thank her from the bottom of my heart. She has changed my view on many things - behaviour stuff in particular (rework those bad tapes by postive affirmations for example). Sela can seem like she will take you apart: BUT I believe her intention is helpful and never harmful. I needed some things taking apart and she helped me find other parts to put back together. What bad writing but I hope you get the idea. It hurts, for sure, it hurts but only because when we face ourselves, we acknowledge all the human frailty we hold, all the bad sloppy thinking and we embrace the fears and look them square in the face: we face them down and own them. So, Sela, yes. It might feel like 'spin' CH, but it's not, it depends on your interpretation. Maybe that would be a more productive line for me to take - to look at your exchnages with Sela and see what I see, try to be objective, ask for other opinions? All out in the open - no PMs (PMs restrict feedback and other views). Maybe I'll do that.
Why? Because I sense something worth doing. The worse thing is when it seems that the problem is unsolvable and some problems are. That hurts like hell. That is like personal failure to me, the inability to connect, the lack of standard homo sapien response. Whoah. enough. It hurts.
I am sorry, Portia, that you became the focus of all this and I wish only the very best for you.
I understand your words above and of course, it's just simple cause and effect. I posted, you posted, Sela posted etc. Relationships and interpretations and assumptions and the necessary stuff of human communication. It's all okay! It's all allowed. Nobody is at fault - nobody.
I truly am sorry for my ignorance and lack of social skills.
I would never describe you as ignorant or lacking in social skills, no way. You seem like a rounded human being to me, not perfect, not imperfect either, but absolutely human. This board is an odd - understatement - environment. I think it is improved and helped by your presence. Hang in there. It's worth it I believe and I value you being here. take care, I'm going for now.
