my friend R (peaceful)

[Hopalong]

I just went to see my close friend R who's dying of ovarian cancer today while she was getting her last-ditch last chemo. She has been back in the hosp for a few days but didn’t want anyone to know.
Her doc told her yesterday there is some possibility her bowel may rupture (the tumor’s blocking everything and it’s made her terribly sick) and if it does, she has 12 hours. If it doesn’t, who knows. She had a transfusion but nothing’s changed. I think it's likely no more than a week or a month.

Her cat had been ailing and R thought she (the cat) was just picking up on what’s been happening and was moping. But her partner D took the cat to the vet and he told her the cat has advanced abdominal cancer, inoperable. So a nurse in the infusion center who's a friend, and D
smuggled Blackie in, and R fell apart, crying for the first time since her cancer began spreading fast a few months ago, and said goodbye to her cat who was put to sleep this afternoon.

D almost passed out a few days ago and some people from church had to drive her home. It turned out she'd gotten dehydrated from so much crying.

I feel I’ve just seen R for the last time. I bought one of her paintings this winter: a sunset over a field. She grasps the last faint glow of light on the land, very faint, but amazingly beautiful. Overhead the sky is ablaze with light and color, and two faint jet contrails.

On Monday my very close friend A has surgery for her colon cancer and "a large ovarian mass". She has not said so but I am sure the colon cancer is actually ovarian cancer that metastasized to the colon. Her wonderful hubby's first wife died of cancer.

My brain keeps boinging around between them. I think I'm in a little bit of shock lately. I know it's part of life, but they're way too young.

Hops

[Sela]

  ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Hops and friends)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

That is so sad and it must be so hard for you right now.  I'm so sorry Hops.  There are some things we are just not meant to understand.  I hope and pray for both of your friends to have a peaceful passing, if it is time.  And for you to carry only the good memories of them with you.

Wish I had some wisdom or something useful to offer you Hops.  I'm sorry I don't.  You and your friends are in my prayers tonight.

  Sela

[moonlight52]

Hi Hops ,  

Life is so sweet and I know when loved ones are ill we just can do so  much.
I just got out of hospital for hernia operation.
All went well and when in my hospital room there was a woman wishing to share prayer and comfort.
My hubby and two girls were with me .
I asked for us to say prayers for loved ones that are  also ill .
We did not plan to pray that day and it was after my surgery was done and I was OK and very grateful to be ok.
It is hard to see loved ones hurting.
Hops smuggling Blackie in was so very dear.
Love,
Moon

[Healing&Hopeful]

(((((((((((((Hoppy)))))))))))))

I am so sorry to hear this.... I wish there was something I could do or say to ease what you and your friends are feeling.

Sometimes miracles do happen, let's hope so.

(((((((Moon))))))) I'm glad to hear your hernia operation went well.

Wishing you both lots of strength.

Take care

Love H&H xx

[WRITE]

Good morning Hopalong,

the patients I work with are terminally ill, and death has become a part of my everyday life.
But also part of the joy- for helping someone die with comfort, dignity and peace is a blessing to be part of.

I bought one of her paintings this winter: a sunset over a field. She grasps the last faint glow of light on the land, very faint, but amazingly beautiful.

and it sounds like she did well her work on earth, and leaves her legacies.

I wanted to write a beautiful quote, and say grieve well, but suddenly this came to mind from stand-up comedian Will Shriner:

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

reminding me- I can remember few profound sayings from people's last days and hours, but loads of their wry comments or jokes....

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Certain Hope]

(((((((Hops))))))) Praying here.

Love,
Hope

P.S. on edit... (((((((Moon))))))))  Very glad you're back and well again. I hope the healing will continue in your family.
Love,
Hope

[Portia]

(((((((((((((((((((((((Hops))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

friends make life wonderful

You’re a wonderful friend to many I think

You’re not alone.


(((((((((((((((Moon)))))))))))))))
glad for you Moonlight.

[Stormchild]

Ezr 9:3
And when I heard this thing, I rent my garment and my mantle, and plucked off the hair of my head and of my beard, and sat down astonied.

Job 2:11
Now when Job's three friends heard of all this evil that was come upon him, they came every one from his own place; Eliphaz the Temanite, and Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite: for they had made an appointment together to come to mourn with him and to comfort him.

Job 2:12
And when they lifted up their eyes afar off, and knew him not, they lifted up their voice, and wept; and they rent every one his mantle, and sprinkled dust upon their heads toward heaven.

Job 2:13
So they sat down with him upon the ground seven days and seven nights, and none spake a word unto him: for they saw that [his] grief was very great.

*********************
'Sitting shiva' with you, Hops, and with D. I can't find words for this. I hope it's OK that I borrowed the ones above, I hope they help.

[moonlight52]

Hi Hops ,

Hope you and friend are enjoying every sunset and the beauty of every cloud that passes .

Also I did not mean to hijack your thread Hops please forgive I am going thu some similar issues and do not know how to handle the emotions at times .

This is your thread about your dear dear friend and you all Love to you .
Love ,

moon

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HOPS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Hopalong]

Jac, you DID say it. And Sela, utterly useful. Thanks guys.
Moon, hon, so sorry you had surgery but so glad it's over! (Blackie thanks you too.)
H&H, you did it and said it. Mwah.
Write, thanks for 'seeing' her painting..and the great joke! 
Hope, thank you.  I always think I feel prayer's power. It's a loving thing to do.
Portia, I don't feel alone. Thanks you dear. This board is amazing.
Storm, those verses are very moving. Grief is so ancient. Thank you.
H & H, you're my friend too and you are welcome on any thread I sew with ever!

Y'all. My heart feels warm. Think you didn't "do anything useful?" 

((((((((((((((((((everybody, including anybody reading)))))))))))))))))

Hops

[reallyME]

Hops,

You are in my prayers.  Blessyou

[Hopalong]

Thanks, RM.
You're in mine too.

Hops

[Hopalong]

My friend R called me Saturday, sounding very weak. I was so happy to hear her voice...I had thought we'd never talk again. She asked me to come out Sunday, picking up some of her pain Rx on the way.
I drove out and she wasn't there...but several of her family's cars were. I thought, she's had a little burst of energy, maybe they've taken her for a little drive so she can see the moutain views she's loved and painted all her life. I walked in her garden, there were butterflies everywhere, looked at the amazing things she's planted and tended, looked at the great field and mountain. Came inside and just sat, looking at her paintings, a wall of cards and drawings sent her by so many many friends. Brreathed in the serenity and beauty, patted her sweet dog.

Finally checked my home messages and her BIL had called. Her bowel ruptured Saturday night, she's in the hospital. She will be dying very soon. Her family, her father, her sister, BIL, niece, nephew and her many friends, are gathering. There's some hope if they can adjust her pain medicine that she could go home to die, but I don't know yet.

The vigil will be over soon, as will her pain.

I just wanted to testify to the remarkable life (beginning in Japan, where she was the child of missionaries, and learned to paint from an old Japanese man, moving home to the states at 18) of a dear woman. She has an amazing ability to be present and create safety for those who are around her.

Thanks for listening,
Hops

[mountainspring]

Praying for your friend.

(((((Hops))))))   ((((((Hugs Hop's Friend)))))))

[WRITE]

Peace my heart...

Peace, my heart, let the time for the parting be sweet.
Let it not be a death but completeness.
Let love melt into memory and pain into songs.
Let the flight through the sky end in the folding of the wings over the nest.
Let the last touch of your hands be gentle like the flower of the night.
Stand still, O Beautiful End, for a moment, and say your last words in silence.
I bow to you and hold up my lamp to light you on your way.

~Rabindranath Tagore