H & H,
Yes, I do think that the "drama queen" personality is one example of someone who evidences an addiction to conflict. I've encountered this dynamic on occasion with a couple of my teenaged daughters' friends. After hearing weekly, often daily, about the latest "episodes" in one of these girls' lives (many times, stuff that was completely false), it soon became apparent to my kids that all of this soap operatic stuff wasn't their cup of tea. They noticed that it seemed... if there wasn't enough actual conflict going on around these kids, they'd stir something up out of thin air ... whether just to gain attention or simply because it was the only stimulation to which they could respond, I don't know. But one young girl we actually did seem to help. When she was visiting at our home once, a call received on her cell phone quickly began to escalate into another one of these fullscale conflagrations... I mean, I watched her get herself all worked up about virtually nothing, like some method actor... and I don't know why it came to me then, but I just quietly asked her, "Brittney, do you journal?" Well, I guess I interrupted her timing, because her mouth dropped open and she said, "Well, uhhh... I do write some poetry." We talked for a bit and I told her I just had a hunch she'd have a flare for writing & I'd love to see some of her poems, if she didn't mind sharing... and by the end of that convo, she was beaming, forgot all about the phone call, and from then on, she'd send some of her poems home from school with my daughter from time to time. My daughter says she simmered down alot after that and even made the honor roll her next semester at school. So I can see that sometimes it is a matter of offering some individualized attention to turn the tide.
On the other hand, I've met some folks who are just vacuums for attention and can't ever seem to get enough. Not even thinking of the N's I've known, but just plain old-fashioned bossy people who seem to feel a need to dominate and prevail in every exchange. I don't know whether that's because they feel threatened by anyone who might potentially surpass them in popularity or in the esteem of others or what, but it can sure be a miserable position to be in... smack in between an inflated ego and a wall. Once while serving on a Sunday School board, a woman who wanted to be chosen as superintendent spread lies about two of us who were long-time friends and co-teachers of a class. Our class had doubled in size and recently sung at a special church function and some of the people involved had sent cards/small gifts as tokens of their appreciation. Next thing we knew, parents of some of the children in our class were being told that we'd made nasty remarks about some of their kids... absolutely untrue. You can guess the source of all that. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned? The thing was, there was no scorn involved... only her envy. We got that mess unraveled, but a similar thing happened later to another person in the church... a youth director. Some things never change.
I think that we do risk conflict any time we express a differing view, but that we don't need to look at differences as a throwing down of the gauntlet. And besides, if a gauntlet is thrown down, there's no rule sayin it has to be picked back up again. Also, I don't like to get involved in other folks' disputes either, H&H. In my own little ventures into busybody-dom, I've seen that I often wind up being the target of the resentment of both of the primary participants. Tried to counsel married friends once.... oooo.... no way, never again. I'll stay on my own side of the double line from now on! Thanks again for the opportunity for some fresh Friday thinkin, H&H. Happy weekend!
Hope
