Maybe this is "my stuff", but I have to voice my feelings and thoughts about my discontent with what I have read lately on this board. While reading all the character assassinations and chastising, I found myself feeling embarrassed and ashamed...then I began to experience a physical reaction. That's when I knew I had to post a response. It is with genuine sadness that I write this post.
For the past several weeks, I have been in a state rich in generosity, caring, sharing, and consideration or thoughtfulness and mindfulness. During this time, I have also experienced a high level of stress due to my mother's serious, constantly declining and then changing again, medical conditions. Also, it has been difficult dealing with my family of origin during this time.
Anyway, during one of my troubling moments, I turned to my computer and this board, as I sometimes do. It has usually been an opportunity to share comfort, intelligence, insight, and some interesting reading, with a cause and feeling for hopefulness...not necessarily to post; just to connect--to you; all of you. In my claim to heal my voicelessness, I often, but not always, choose to remain a "non-poster". Instead, I choose to observe, learn, and feel much compassion and growth from reading here and being here... until I have something to offer in response. Having a voice is also about my choice not to voice (or post), or to read or not to read. Regardless, I have always felt a sense of underlying protection illuminating here from my computer screen.
With the influence and writings of Dr. G on this board, “his direction” and monitoring seems to be a source of compassion and comfort. This is what this board is all about. WHAT HAPPENED???? I find this need to have a readjustment and resurfacing of his amazingly intelligent simplicity, as this influence is the essence of our healing. How did we get so far from our focus? Have we truly diverted from learning to be self centered...to actually being self--centered? Yes, I'm disappointed--greatly disappointed.
I feel we all need to go back to the beginning and read Dr. Grossman’s original stories again…like we are reading them for the first time. Maybe we have carried this voicelessness issue way too far! I find we are all lonely in some way; acting out in many ways, trying to find a voice and prove our existence and credibility. Yet in doing so, we have lost our dignity!!! In some cases, I feel I am surrounded by the same negative dynamics that originally caused me to find this forum. What ever happened to resolution with responsibility? Conflict may surface as a result of pain and that can produce growth. Attacking and singling-out members or guests is seriously damaging to anyone who may read it. If you have a private conflict, shouldn't you keep it private and don't make it board business...unless people can benefit from it?
IMO, we need to be humble and find our humility again. The world is at war with itself and I feel we are eating ourselves alive. We don’t only need to defend against our abusers anymore…we have become them! I am troubled feeling the need to disengage from the very people who I need to relate to. I know this is not the focus of Dr. Grossman, and yet, it seems we have taken advantage of his generous character…allowing us any and all voice (within reason) as a pathway to health and healing.
In closing, I repeat…to me, it’s time for all of us to take a good look at Dr. G’s original essays and reflect on their content. Then, look again at ourselves and others objectively. Next, note how we interact and what consequences and missed opportunities may arise as a result. It is my hope that we can all continue our contributions and return to the true essence of this board…as intended by its' healing members, guests, and Dr. Grossman and his patient (both meanings) wisdom.
Passionately,
BJ
