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leaving N husband. advice??

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Anonymous:
bunny,

yes he can retaliate.  yes he can weave justification for any action he takes.  yes he can be mean.  yes he is driven by money.  

My goal is to come out of this in a reasonable, not accessive financial position.  I worry about the emotional cost.  

The thing is, I cannot let my worry stop me from taking this step.  And if the way that I do it is to blunder through... then as long as I keep moving, keep my forward momentum, at the very least I will end up in a different place.

I'd like to make a good plan, I have taken steps.... I met with attorneys.  I photographed everything in our house.  I copied tax returns and other important documents.  A while back, I insisted that I be quit claimed onto our real estate, so that now we are joint tenants.  

I don't know what other things to do.  And I feel more confident of my decision than ever before.  rosencranz said it takes a woman 7 tries to leave her husband.  I am easily beyond that number.  And most of all, I want to succeed with this attempt.  

It is Saturday.  Tomorrow is Sunday and my anxiety is rising.  Because it is presidents weekend, my daughter made plans to go visit her brother at college for part of the weekend.  She'll be gone when N comes home.  Good news is that she won't have to be here for an arguement.  Bad news is that I will be alone in my home with him.

phoenix:
bye

Anonymous:
Lynn,

Is there any way you can avoid putting yourself in a situation where you are alone in the house, arguing with your husband about a divorce? I think you may want to plan it so that you are in a safe situation, where he can't do much to you, and where he can't argue or keep talking to you. Just my view based on your description of him.

bunny

Anonymous:
Hi Lynn,
Everything you have written I can identify with, sounds like we married the same man, did and thought the same things.
It's hard to know how he's going to react. (We'll all be thinking about you). When I found out that mine had cheated for the second time (that I knew about!) I said calmly, 'That's it, divorce". It was actually a relief to say it after so long and we had a few pleasant hours that afternoon; no stress, no fights. We even joked with another. He left the next day to work in another country. But then it got progressively worse as he tried to get back 'in' again. He arrived on the doorstep three months later on his break with his suitcase and the little boy lost look on his face. It didn't work.
A while later he started moving the money around and that's when I went to the lawyer and he's still behaving like a little boy.
Sounds like you've got things pretty well organised. Trust your instincts.
Karin.

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