I've just spent half an hour in the company of my ex, as usual he was unable to say what was bothering him but during the course of the time he becamse more and more angry with me and disapproving; my son was perfectly happy and oblivious to his Dad's mood which worsened when son decided to take a friend along to the movies, my h can be really mean about that even though he's insistent our son has kids over at mine constantly!
I am trying so hard not to let this cycle get to me, but it does. He's like a sponge, he sucks all the energy out of me and it's exhausting even to have a conversation, he's really interesting sometimes but so rude and bombastic. And he seems to think I am out to get him some way. He's just been scrutinising critically my electricity bill- yes it's $ 270, it's TX and almost 100 degrees...actually it's because of him the a/c is set so low, another thing he gets mad about if he comes over and it's too hot.
My son said in passing yesterday 'Dad says he won't give you any money once you're divorced' and I forgot about it, but I meant to bring it up, what is he discussing that with our child for? My son just assumes he's being a jerk- seems to accept that- and that I will deal with him.
It's funny his attitude to money actually. He is giving me a sum each month, but now clearly resents that. He has been nit-picking about small amounts all week. But then he said 'if you finish your book and sell it & make any money I want half' which was a joke, but not really.
It's not like him to be at all bothered about money, one of my friends said it's symbolic- more power over me which he sees himself losing.
I have tried to understand Nism to the Nth degree and to be kind to him, but I am so weary of his attacks and no matter how much I try he says I can't hear him or I am being mean; he even said yesterday 'you have never really cared about me' which is really hurtful after all the crap he has thrown my way.
If I ask him not to come over or try to avoid him or we formalise things more he just senses a rejection and reacts against the boundaries, but honestly, I am so sick of the way he can just change my mood.
I know all the stuff about 'no one can make you unhappy unless you let them' but he just has this way of affecting me, my happiness and feelings of security.
The eggshells and quicksand are very much still there even if I refuse to tread on them he keeps hurling them at me!
The most annoying thing is he cannot see how good it is for our son to be still part of a family- or maybe he can...and that's the real issue: he has just enough conscience about that to not be able to hit out and really hurt me any more, so there's this constant barrage of resentment coming my way instead.
Sometimes he looks at me and I sense no compassion towards me, just sheer hatred.
If I were to tell him this he would probably apologise too. But nothing ever changes deep down.
