alcoholism vs narcissism

[Gaining Strength]

Kelly - decide what you need to do for yourself.  don't pu yourself at your mother's mercy.  don't make your decision based on her response to your options.  that is your power.  If you want to stay if she gives you more then let that be your goal but if your goal is to get out from under her don't let her have power over you if she offers you more.  Decide on your goal before you make a move.

your friend - Gaining Strength

[Overcomer]

Well, I am not getting my hopes up because even if they offered me the job..................would I have to work long hours?  Would I have to work weekends?  It's all about making it w/o nmom AND having time with my family.  So my side business is still chugging along and if I could only find some people who had the want to to do something with it, it would be ok.  My 19 year old daughter made District Manager in one month so she's an ace.  Just need a couple more......................anyway..................I just keep giving it UP!!  I ask God every day to make me content where I am and to bless my nmom and to direct my paths.................that's all I can do!

[nicknamesarecliche]

Mom is a classic N, dad was a [pathetic, S.O.B.]alcoholic. Both loved verbal assaults, both liked to create scenes & throw tantrums in public, both liked to humiliate/degrade me in public, both were sadistic and each admitted on at least one occasion that they liked to see me cry...explinations were: "i deserved it"  ;"it's funny"; "that's what you get" ;"good"; "i'll GIVE you a reason to cry"

that last one literally makes me cringe b/c you hear it so often. It's like obviously you already GAVE me a reason to cry f**ker, what are you gonna do start cutting off body parts!!!

It's impossible not to go into a rant on these boards....thanx 4 listening 

[Hopalong]

rants welcome, Nicky  , as are you.

I hope you can distance AWAY from that poison ASAP.

What is equally important and especially, dangerously easy for young people...is not to realize that when you pull away from the painful enmeshment with Ns, you have GOT to fill that space with positive people and positive actions that are seriously aimed at healing you.

That upbringing (downbringing is more like it) has damaged you. (You have company.) But it doesn't stop there. A long life thinking oh, I'm damaged goods so I might as well waste my life like they did...is a fatal and unnecessary error.

INSTEAD, right here you can find the faith that the damage you experienced is fertile ground for some extraordinary growth.

Normal? That's a word. Coming into yourself, dedicating yourself with courage and sincerity to finding and nourishing (in practical ways, with practical plans) your own gifts and possibilities can take you as far into goodness, happiness and a rich, full life as you choose to do.

Dream big. Get help. Turn off the TV and read. Don't be a drunk or a druggie. Learn to enjoy peace among peaceful people. (Ever tried a Quaker meeting? They're wonderful.)

Rambling, sorry....

Hopalong

[Overcomer]

Hey Nicky!!  I, too rant and rave!!  Sometimes it is the only way we can heal is to get all that poison out..........so come on!!!

And back to the Al-anon topic..................I am an advocate!!  I will go even if I don't have an alcoholic in my life because they address everything I need to know - they should subtitle it - "n-anon.........................narcissistic victims anonymous!!"  Same principles//

[Hopalong]

Kelly 

I am so happy to hear how AlAnon is helping you.

YAY.

Hops

[Overcomer]

That's a correct statement.  I have jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire, one too many times.  Cannot tell you how stupid I was when I broke up with former alcoholic boyfriend, started dating another guy (whose ex-wife immediately wanted him back when I came into the picture - good thing, too, cuz that would have been REAL bad) and then ran straight into my now husband's arms.  I mean there was a day between last time I saw the one guy and met my husband and got married six months later.  Now what am I doing?  Complaining about his alcoholism.  Funny thing is when I met him (online) he said he didn't drink - what am I a drunk magnet?  It was on our honeymoon that Mr. Hyde came out for the first time!