Yes, Bones, it is very hard when both of you need the same things. My husband is also voiceless like me. There are times when we are at cross-purposes to each other. I suppose it is better than it would have been if each of us had been saddled with an N. But healing is harder when both of you need to do it.
I hope he decides to cooperate with going to the therapist. I'm pretty sure my husband would not want to go. If I ever decide to try therapy, I would probably just go by myself. Maybe tell him some of the things I learn. That's what I do with this place. I don't want him to come here, but I do tell him what I learn here.
My husband grew up with a father who had issues with women. Most of the family considers him to have actually been a misogynist. He did everything in his power to undermine and sabotage whoever his wife was (he married three times). He always tried to make the mom out to be the "bad guy", he would try to make it difficult for her to keep house, he spent many years "remodeling" the house, which really amounted to dismanteling the house. My husband always saw it for what it was as compared to the other kids who often believed their mom was the bad guy. It's a pretty complicated upbringing to have survived. He still has to deal with some of those issues. He keeps it pretty well locked up inside him. I doubt that he will ever want to dig very deep. It's just something I have decided to let lay. I have enough of my own stuff to work on to last a lifetime I'm sure.
Oh, and my husband gives me things too and feeds me. It's his language of caring I guess. Love in action.
There's a lot of layers to it when you're both voiceless.
Pennyplant
