Lost My Job and Doubting Myself

[teartracks]

Hope,

Re: #60

I think what I described applies to my own Mom relationship.  But I remember being hurt once when someone seem overly harsh and judgmental about her on the board.  Please forgive me.

tt

[Bones]

GS, I'm happy if anything I share inspires you.  ((((((((((((((((((GS)))))))))))))))))

Hope, my own mother cut me off when I did not marry the first man who came sniffing but decided to move out of her home instead.  She had emphatically told all of her daughters that no daughter of her's was going to live alone so that they could become the slut of the town (my mother was obsessed with sex and just thought all of her daughters lived and breathe to have it with any and everyone).

Since she warned us all that she would kill us (her daughters) if we dared move out to live on our own, she stopped speaking to me when I defied her and did just that, for like a year or so.

As for delving into feelings as opposed to just being obedient to God, I find that when I can experience my feelings and undertand why I feel the way I do and want to do the things that I do, I can then be obedient to God with a willing heart.  I really dislike doing anything that I don't genuinely feel or want to do.  If and when I don't want to do something God has commanded me to do, I ask Him to show me why.  There has not been a time that I've asked God for understanding that He has not pointed me down the right path.  He usually doesn't show me the answers though (although once or twice if I'm being really pigheaded he has, you know, sort of like in the form of a brick across the head  ) But most of the time He usually makes me work for it!!!


jac

Oh boy!!!!  That sounds like what my Nmother did!!!  When I moved out of the house to my first apartment, she told everyone in the family that I was doing nothing but whoring!  And when I went to a family gathering, one of the in-laws attempted to make a pass at me based on my Nmother's lies.  I never attended another family gathering after that...especially when the rest of the family of origin tried to use me as nothing more than a convenient free taxicab for their friends that were total strangers to me.  When I said no to that demand, the other members of the family of origin cut me off.

Bones

[Bones]

((((((((Bones))))))))  Your mother sounds to me like much more than NPD. I am so sorry.

I think perhaps my mother's deal was... she had a 2nd child (me) finally, 10 years after her 1st (my very Nish brother), to please my dad and also perhaps because my brother is not one to be molded into anyone's image. So I was her last ditch effort to recreate herself?
I don't know what she was trying to accomplish but like your mother.... she failed and I am thankful... for both you and me.

Love,
Hope

P.S. on edit...  Bones, if you've said, I'm sorry... I don't recall... but do you still have contact with your mother?

FYI, My biological mother, who was not a mother in any sense of the word, died back in 1997.  With the hell she put me through, all I can say about her is "good riddance"!

Bones

[Bones]

Yea bones!!!!!!!!! I am glad you are feeling angry, because that means you are starting to heal and look at the situation in a new light!!!!!! Congrats to you!!!!!!!!
Love, Beth

Thanks, Beth.

Bones

[Certain Hope]

(((((((Tt)))))))) It's ok, I understand your meaning. I only want to be cautious not to lapse into hatred for my mother ...  or even worse, I think, contempt. I have fought my internal battle against her, for the most part, and so discussions of things she's said and done or new realizations re: what she is don't seem to come attached with great lumps of pain. But you see, I still think of her in terms of "what" she is, and not "who", so I'm not there yet. Please understand that I took no offense at your words or at you, only struggling to maintain my own sense of balance. And Tt, I'm so sorry that your own mom gave you that feeling, as though you were a piece of property. You are a lovely soul.

Bones, thank you for the information re: your biological mother. I hope that you will be able to share more as you're able in order to reach a place of healing.

With much love,
Hope

[Sela]

my Nmother and Nbrother...who repeated everyday that I was nothing but a worthless, retarded whore who belonged in a mental institution.  I was told this since I was only four years old!

I'm so sorry that you had to grow up in such a place with such cruel and untrue words being spit at you like amunition.  NO child should have to endure such abuse.  I bet it was jealousy that drove their psycho behaviour.

I bet you show extra common sense and intelligence and have a natural ability to carry yourself as if you are worthy of respect.  I bet you are attractive and very sane.   I bet you have stuff that makes you likable and sweet and the nasty words were intended to destroy your inborn sweetness out of sheer and bitter resentment.

But those traits in you that they are so jealous of can't be destroyed, Bones.  Not by vicious, mentally disturbed people or their sick words.   

When I moved out of the house to my first apartment, she told everyone in the family that I was doing nothing but whoring!  And when I went to a family gathering, one of the in-laws attempted to make a pass at me based on my Nmother's lies.

Same program, 20 or so years later eh?  But they were not able to make their words come true!  That pathetic attempt to discredit you failed.  I'm so glad you have put distance between you and these people who need serious psychological  attention.

My biological mother, who was not a mother in any sense of the word, died back in 1997.  With the hell she put me through, all I can say about her is "good riddance"!

Your feelings are totally valid and understandable.  Wow!  97 .....it'll soon be 10 years!  That's a long time to carry those feelings around.  I hope you have had other opportunities to express them?  I hope so.

In time, Bones, hopefully, you will be able to let whatever feelings you have for your mother and her horendous behaviour.....go.   Your feelings are valid and her behaviour was horendous.  Still, I think you will probably need to let your feelings toward her (and your brother too) out and away.....totally release them.  Only you can decide how long that will take.   It's just that your feelings are not hurting her or him/them at all are they?  And I guess you'll decide if they're doing you any good or not or if you need them any longer.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Sela

[Hops]

Hi,
Both Jac and Bones mentioned being called epithets like "slut" and "whore." So cruel.

I think many of us internalize those things, and belatedly, it has hit me that the women who are promiscuous, and the women who are prostitutes, are painfully acting out a script of survival. When I think of prostitutes or see documentaries they're in, I always stop and think: 9 times out of 10 (or more), these were sexually abused or beaten young girls who ran away from home out of desperation, and turned to tricking because they had no other thing to sell. What looks lurid and contemptuous of mores, and even the behaviors they've adopted, are the behaviors of abused children, rape survivors, incest survivors, abandonment survivors.

So when someone uses "whore" to insult a woman, I think, those prostitutes have just as much human value as any pious person, and I will not join you in thinking of them as less human.

Same for "slut". I've never known one who wasn't searching for some kind of love she needed and never found.

So defuse dem damn insults! They are our sisters. And little old round-heeled me could've invented a brand-new term for "easy" back a few decades ago.

Slut. Whore. Hmmppphh. These terms come from a lack of empathy, imo.

Chastely,
Hops

[Bones]

(((((((Tt)))))))) It's ok, I understand your meaning. I only want to be cautious not to lapse into hatred for my mother ...  or even worse, I think, contempt. I have fought my internal battle against her, for the most part, and so discussions of things she's said and done or new realizations re: what she is don't seem to come attached with great lumps of pain. But you see, I still think of her in terms of "what" she is, and not "who", so I'm not there yet. Please understand that I took no offense at your words or at you, only struggling to maintain my own sense of balance. And Tt, I'm so sorry that your own mom gave you that feeling, as though you were a piece of property. You are a lovely soul.

Bones, thank you for the information re: your biological mother. I hope that you will be able to share more as you're able in order to reach a place of healing.

With much love,
Hope

Thanks, Hope.

Bones

[Bones]

my Nmother and Nbrother...who repeated everyday that I was nothing but a worthless, retarded whore who belonged in a mental institution.  I was told this since I was only four years old!

I'm so sorry that you had to grow up in such a place with such cruel and untrue words being spit at you like amunition.  NO child should have to endure such abuse.  I bet it was jealousy that drove their psycho behaviour.

I bet you show extra common sense and intelligence and have a natural ability to carry yourself as if you are worthy of respect.  I bet you are attractive and very sane.   I bet you have stuff that makes you likable and sweet and the nasty words were intended to destroy your inborn sweetness out of sheer and bitter resentment.

But those traits in you that they are so jealous of can't be destroyed, Bones.  Not by vicious, mentally disturbed people or their sick words.   

When I moved out of the house to my first apartment, she told everyone in the family that I was doing nothing but whoring!  And when I went to a family gathering, one of the in-laws attempted to make a pass at me based on my Nmother's lies.

Same program, 20 or so years later eh?  But they were not able to make their words come true!  That pathetic attempt to discredit you failed.  I'm so glad you have put distance between you and these people who need serious psychological  attention.

My biological mother, who was not a mother in any sense of the word, died back in 1997.  With the hell she put me through, all I can say about her is "good riddance"!

Your feelings are totally valid and understandable.  Wow!  97 .....it'll soon be 10 years!  That's a long time to carry those feelings around.  I hope you have had other opportunities to express them?  I hope so.

In time, Bones, hopefully, you will be able to let whatever feelings you have for your mother and her horendous behaviour.....go.   Your feelings are valid and her behaviour was horendous.  Still, I think you will probably need to let your feelings toward her (and your brother too) out and away.....totally release them.  Only you can decide how long that will take.   It's just that your feelings are not hurting her or him/them at all are they?  And I guess you'll decide if they're doing you any good or not or if you need them any longer.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Sela

Thanks, Sela.

Bones

[Bones]

Hi,
Both Jac and Bones mentioned being called epithets like "slut" and "whore." So cruel.

I think many of us internalize those things, and belatedly, it has hit me that the women who are promiscuous, and the women who are prostitutes, are painfully acting out a script of survival. When I think of prostitutes or see documentaries they're in, I always stop and think: 9 times out of 10 (or more), these were sexually abused or beaten young girls who ran away from home out of desperation, and turned to tricking because they had no other thing to sell. What looks lurid and contemptuous of mores, and even the behaviors they've adopted, are the behaviors of abused children, rape survivors, incest survivors, abandonment survivors.

So when someone uses "whore" to insult a woman, I think, those prostitutes have just as much human value as any pious person, and I will not join you in thinking of them as less human.

Same for "slut". I've never known one who wasn't searching for some kind of love she needed and never found.

So defuse dem damn insults! They are our sisters. And little old round-heeled me could've invented a brand-new term for "easy" back a few decades ago.

Slut. Whore. Hmmppphh. These terms come from a lack of empathy, imo.

Chastely,
Hops

Thanks, Hops.

Bones

[teartracks]

Dear ((((((Bones)))))),

In the story of your life, there are many chapters to be written.  I'm betting that not to far down the road you will soar and things will level out and you'll write to us about it right here.  I'm standing with you believing!

teartracks

[Sela]

Aw Bones, you're welcome!

I hope things start going better for you from now on.  A new more rewarding/enjoyable job, maybe.  A boss that appreciates your talents and contributions too!   Wouldn't that be lovely?

Sela

[Bones]

Dear ((((((Bones)))))),

In the story of your life, there are many chapters to be written.  I'm betting that not to far down the road you will soar and things will level out and you'll write to us about it right here.  I'm standing with you believing!

teartracks

Thanks, TearTracks.

Right now, I'm still exploring what options might be available while analyzing the situation that occurred.  One of my former colleagues suggested to me that I write down as many incidents that occurred to the best of my recollection.  As I did so, I started realizing that there was a pattern here and that it was so wrong...not just from a personal point of view but ethically and legally as well.  I'm trying to address that aspect one step at a time.

Bones

[Bones]

Aw Bones, you're welcome!

I hope things start going better for you from now on.  A new more rewarding/enjoyable job, maybe.  A boss that appreciates your talents and contributions too!   Wouldn't that be lovely?

Sela

I'm beginning to realize that I deserve that!

Bones

[Gaining Strength]

How are you sleeping Bones?  You are in my thoughts each and every day.  Are you beginning to take care of yourself - eating, exercising?  Sounds like you are emerging from th shock stage and able to begin to analyze.  Keep vigilant over caring for yourself as you begin to get back on you feet.

Yours - Gaining Strength