To the Cosmos -
I am thankful for having a place where I can put my sadnesses out there and have them acknowledged and understood and responded to. That was a huge hole in my childhood, a hole that became abscessed as I got older. Finally, I have a place to talk about my pain - large and small.
I love that phrase, "safe harbour." I wish so much that my home had been a safe harbour and hope that my son will find our home a safe harbour. When I, even as a very young child of 5 or 6, had a bad experience at school, my father would tell me that it was my fault and that I should have not "caused" someone to be mean to me. Even today when I read Wayne Dyar's "Power of Intention" in which he says, "you have taught people how to treat you." I cringe. I really do understand where he is going with that. I know he is trying to give his readers power to change their (my) reaction to being mistreated. And now as an adult I am beginning to be able to do that. But at 3,4,5, 12, 13 etc., I could not do that. Because I like Dyar's writings and find them helpful, I simiply insert the word "unwittingly" in his phrase "you have [unwittingly] taught people how to treat you." Otherwise it is far to painful, recallling that home I longed to feel home in but where there were no arms of comfort for hurt feelings, there was no snug harbour against the storms of life. Consequently, in recent years I have been knocked senseless by gentle breezes and incapacitated by hard winds.
The world I live in expects more from me than I can produce. But tha world has no knowledge of the storms I have weathered. And at long last I am able to acknowledge those expectations and support and encourage myself despite their misperceptions.
I am really just talking into the air, and not looking for a response.
Gaining strength