Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Long-range snyper shots....
pp:
delete
Anonymous:
I think it would help your marriage if your husband doesn't visit her in future. He can be in the area without contacting her. She has lost the privilege of his visits by bad-mouthing his wife. And he doesn't stand up for you but merely reports her nasty comments back to you. I wouldn't respond AT ALL to your mother at this point, it just gives her the attention she wants.
bunny
Rojo:
Hi, All
I've been thinking quite a bit about all your helpful comments re this recent situation. I've been very torn between PP's advise to never let an N get away with baseless critisisms and Bunny's advise to never contact her again. Both courses of action are so sensible. :?
The update on it all is that she's been sending me the sweetest emails...full of interest in my life and asking inviting questions trying to ellicit a response. Boy is this tactic surprising...riiiight!!! lol. I've still not responded and every time I've started to write up an email to calmly confront the situtaion the way PP did, I stop halfway, thinking...this is pointless with my N. The reason being that not too long ago, I confronted her about her comment about me being difficult since birth - this has always been her favorite weapon whenever I've tried to be heard and she's wielded it liberally over the last 30 years. Evidently and not surprisingly, she's learned nothing from that episode given these recent comments to my husband. Again, no surprise.
Another thing that's happened since my last post is that she sent some long lost film footage, which my late and beloved father took over several years. She'd given it to my hubby to give to me. It showed my siblings and I as babies and sort of documented us growing up until she took off with her lover, when I was about four. My reaction to seeing this footage was overwhelming. I sobbed and howled in a way that I wouldn't have thought was possible. I went on for hours. The family I saw in that footage was seemingly perfect, but ultimately not good enough for her. I guess it just hit home exactly how much collateral damage her incomprehensible choices have wrought over the years. Then I thought about what she did a few years ago, just hours after my dads funeral...there she was, sitting in a chair, center stage, with all of us adult kids gathered around her. She actually sat there and began to tell us how mean our father was to her. Dear God.
Then, last night I had a very surprising conversation with my younger brother. This is the one I posted about a while back who I worry about because of his refusal to even acknowledge the possibility that she has a problem, even though he's been suffering because of it. Well, amazingly, he just opened up and it all poured out. It was the most incredible conversation. Even though you have all been wonderfully supportive and validating, somehow, receiving the validations and acknowledgements from my brother was a salve more precious than I could ever have imagined.
So, the point of this all being that I feel more confident in my decision to keep her completely out of my life. In fact, today I blocked her email address. I just don't want to hear from her anymore. I'm sure she'll be calling come my birthday next weekend so call screening has been implemented.
Although I'm sure I'm doing the right thing...I still feel pain. Like I've had my guts ripped out. Hubby worries that I'll regret the decision, especially when she croaks but says he'll support whatever decision I make. The point is that I have to worry about today. I have to protect my happiness today as I can't count on tomorrow's coming. I just want to end the drag all this dead weight has created for way, way too long. I hope I can remain true to the decision.
As always, I think you're all wonderful and I cannot express how grateful I am to all of you for walking this with me.
Rojo
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