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Update on my situation

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Anonymous:
Hi Phoenix,

Thanks for taking the time to tell me/us more about your goals.  I love nature, but having grown up in the Burbs, I know I would miss the conveniences of a nearby grocery store.   :)

This caught my eye in your last post:


--- Quote ---Even when I was at one time pursuing a career in Graphic Arts, a fairly safe vocation! You can’t imagine the heavy dissuasion I got over that! They won’t be happy until I am working in an office typing memos and answering phones.
--- End quote ---


Isn't it interesting that your famiy would push you away from expressing yourself and towards listening to others (in a rather boring mundane way)?!  :roll:


--- Quote ---Someone once asked me, why did you listen? I couldn’t explain.
--- End quote ---

I totally get this.  Why wouldn't one listen to their parents?  A silly question, really.  I think people who are stronger personalities don't appreciate their own strength and that fact that their families probably respected their positions/opinions/voice more than our families did.  Other folks (usually other Ns in retrospect) would look at me like "what a wimp, why are you so submissive?"  It was important for me to be the good girl and when I did have a difference of opinion, a goal, or whatever, I had to prepared to fall on my sword to get what I wanted or convince them I needed something.  It was always a debate, always a fight, never automatic acceptance of my perceptions or needs. As a consequence not every opinion or whatever I had was "worth" going through this.  I learned not to have my own needs.   :(

I hope you make it to a place where the new you can thrive.  
Hugs, Seeker

phoenix:
bye

cmajor:
This is the first time on this board.  However, I wanted to let you know that after divorcing an serial adultering N after 32 years of marriage (after nursing him through 8 surgeries), and after getting out of a "love" relationship with yet another N, I decided that I had to change my pattern.  I didn't want to move back home.  My mother and father wanted me to move back immediately, but didn't press it.

Eventually, after a bout with despression, and going through individual and group therapy, plus reading every book I could find to help me. (Codepency, Forgive for Good, Boundaries, Say a Prayer for Me), I decided to move back.  It was the healthiest thing I could have done.

I moved back without a job.  But I found MYSELF.  I've been able to remember who I was before I was put down.  I rediscovered childhood friends and haunts.  I'm talking with cousins, and relatives that I have not been in contact with. I'm facing old self-doubts and anxieties.  And I'm rediscovering me in a healthy way.

My therapist asked me once, "Why did I feel I had to suffer?"  I'm realizing that I don't need to.  And I don't want to.  And that I have choices.  And, after 3 months of looking I finally have a job.  I wish I had a man in my life, but until I make better choices and listen to my inner good sense, it is probably best that I don't.

Certainly, in the midst of the night, I roll over and wish that N1 or N2 were there.   But I cherish even more that I'm here.  And I'm okay.
And I roll over, and good back to sleep -- thankful that I'm not suffering anymore.

So my advice.  Go where you have support.  Go where you have a shoulder to cry on.  Go where you can remember who you were before.
And go where you can find out who you will be.

God bless.

phoenix:
bye

pp:
delete

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