Dear Write,
Yes, I believe it's normal. To me, the divorce process resembles a slow, agonizing death. In my case, I didn't file... he did; and I knew why he did (to gain control, which backfired); and yet it hurt so much. I think it's like all of those other hurtful things which we know in our minds, but haven't quite reached the depths of our hearts yet. It's the process of making it real, like putting thoughts onto paper and then binding the individual sheets into a book... it's so formal and seems so final, unalterable.
Write, you know that there is no other human being on this earth who is responsible for your happiness. To me, one of the very most difficult leaps of thought to achieve was realizing that freedom from one of the most difficult human beings on earth would not ensure my happiness either. "They" can't fulfill us by their absence or by our getting free of them any more than they could ever fulfill us by their presence in our lives. Although separation from N certainly can free us up to think more clearly and be open to a wider variety of options, it's not a cure-all or a quick fix. It's still we, alone, coming to recognize all that led us to where we are now, remembering that we have not yet "arrived", and as you said elsewhere, patiently working it. To me, realizing that is wonderful in and of itself.
Love,
Hope