N as Sabateur

[Plucky]

So, I guess you identified that you are trying to play God, as it were, by setting up the scene and outcome...

Hm.  I do try to be prepared, but until I read what you wrote, I did not realise that I actually don't have any outcome in mind.  I mean, beyond that initial sparkling conversation, I do not envision anything more.  I know I have a need to make friends and have contact, and being around a group of adults is even kind of happily intoxicating.    But after that, if I think about the future or next step, it is like a fog, it just fades away.   I didn't realise that.  Have to think about it.
Plucky

[gratitude28]

((((((((((((((((plucky))))))))))))))

Wish you were near me. We could go beach combing together and let the brats play

[Plucky]

Thank you......me too. 
I'll use that lovely thought as a kind of springboard to help me visualise what a nice budding friendship could be.
Nighty nite
Plucky

[Hopalong]

Father = husband = CONTROL Pllucky
(who therefore can only keep up the "act--their reality--of being just as good as anybody--for so long....)

You deserve company, friendship, affirmation, just as much as anyone who walks this earth.

(((((((Plucky))))))))))  womenssupportgroupwomensupportgroupsubliminaladvertisinnnnnngggg

Hops

Hops

[penelope]

GS, plucky, beth, Hops, Hope, Storm & adrift,

Wow, what a great thread.  GS, I felt very calmed by your explanation.  You said that now you expect less from your other friends due to finding this board and the understanding here?  Yes, I've had a similar experience.  So thanks all.  It has giving me more confidence and I do think I'm less needy in my offline friendships (I didn't say "real" since the understanding here has been so much more real to me than a lot of friendships I've known).  The friendships aren't better or worse, they're just different.  We just have a common shared experience here that is so unique.  So hey, there's a positive you never knew would come out of the horrible hell of your N eh??? 


Plucky,

I feel so sad about this, but at the same time I feel guilty about whining over something that is my fault and maybe cannot be changed.  It seems that every time I start to get close to someone, they suddenly pull back as if they smell a bad smell or something.    After a lot of analysis I finally come up with something I might have done to cause it.  But I would never realise this thing while it was happening.  Is everyone else so perfect or ok besides me?  If this is my old tape playing, then why does it really keep happening in my real life?

Ah (((((((((((((((((((((((((((Plucky)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
It's not your fault.  there simply is no blame to be doled out in this case, you're just you, that's all.  You're wonderful and when its time, friends will appear.   

bean

[Gaining Strength]

Penelope

We just have a common shared experience here that is so unique.

Amen sister, Amen.  I am thankful beyond the horizons. - GS

[gratitude28]

I never realized this until you all brought it up... but it is true...I feel relieved to have you here and I don't feel I need to find someone to understand outside of the site... although one friend and I did find that we had a lot in common in the parenting regard. She said her parents feel that they did a good job of parenting because they both turned out well... the sad thing is she says they were horrible parents. But we discussed it and it was just part of the getting to know each other phase and went along with everything else. Here we can dig deeper into it and it feels safe. No one will question whether I am just "angry at my parents."
Thanks for a great place to ruminate!
Love, Beth

[gratitude28]

I never realized this until you all brought it up... but it is true...I feel relieved to have you here and I don't feel I need to find someone to understand outside of the site... although one friend and I did find that we had a lot in common in the parenting regard. She said her parents feel that they did a good job of parenting because they both turned out well... the sad thing is she says they were horrible parents. But we discussed it and it was just part of the getting to know each other phase and went along with everything else. Here we can dig deeper into it and it feels safe. No one will question whether I am just "angry at my parents."
Thanks for a great place to ruminate!
Love, Beth

[Gaining Strength]

You know what else - it satisfies my need to be understood.  Because there are people I can talk to about my deepest hurt AND be understood AND have shared that experience I can go out and have other friendships that are on a more superficial level.  I use "superficial" here not in a derogatory manner at all.  Friendships should vary in depth - depending on the commonality.  But what we share here is what I have tried to find in friendships and marriage in the past and until I got this connection I really couldn't deal with the superficial stuff of life that has significance as well.  I'm sure that has alot to do with why I isolated and why I now am able to go out and begin to meet for coffee and work on a PTA committee.

First I needed to share and to be understood on this deep level.  That is what you all do. Today on Oprah,  John Edward's wife described how important an internet group had been to her in dealing with her grief over her son's death.  Oprah said something to the effect of, "But you didn't even know them." and she said something like, "Well yes I did."  And I thought - "yes better than anyone else."  C'est vrai.

[gratitude28]

I agree, GS. I have been able to better deal with my life because I have this outlet and have this understanding of myself. I used to be so embarassed, or worried I would not be liked. Or I had to go overboard to ensure everyone did like me. I am not doing it as much anymore.
In fact, my "friend" the drunk neighbor I have told you about is on the way out as a "friend." I had a crisis (OK< maybe not a crisis, but for our family it was horrible...)> I went home the otehr night and both of our piggies had died during the day... the baby and the one we have had for three years. My daughter is so upset and I am so sad and so is my son. We adored them. My "friend" always calls, usually drunk, to tell me how this or that person did something to her and I listen... I went over yesterday and told her about the piggies and she just said, "Oh and then proceeded to tell me about her son and how he wasn't listening. I am done... I am not going to enter into unhealthy relationships. There is just no reason.
Sooo... I would rather be with my kids than with a spoiled adult, you know? But I am also doing more of coffees, and hanging out with nice people... Before I couldn't bear to be with anyone...
Love, Beth

[Gaining Strength]

Way to go Beth.  She couldn't hear about YOU and your loss.  I'm sorry she couldn't let it be a two way giving and receiving.

And I am so sorry about the piggies.  I bet they were adorable.  I love my critters and a loss is hard to bear. 
((((((((((((((((((((Gratitude))))))))))))))))))))))))

[gratitude28]

It was very hard. I don't think I will get guinea pigs again for a while. Our hearts are broken. I did some research and they said sudden death is common in them. The little one had gotten sick before; I think he might have died and the other died from a broken heart... he was cuddled up next to him. My kids wrote them letters and put in a picture and a stuffed animal.
So, I will stick to guppies... I don't get as upset and we can see their life cycle with the babies. And Henry, of course, my other bad son...
Thanks for listening.
Love, Beth