Took daughter out of school a year ago. She is now embarked on distance learning exam course, and I am scared stiff of letting her down, but trying to keep going, and not panic.
Ancient history, b and SIL got reported to social services and exonerated, even though they are guilty as hell of beating their three boys. Meanwhile, ss gave them information about the report, and it pointed to me. It wasn't me, but that makes no difference to an N. They just want someone to blame; anyone will do.
Anyway, family party and saw b and NSil today, and got treated like s***, so sent b following email tonight, which made me feel more as if I am taking the initiative, rather than acting like a doormat:
"Tonight I tried to mend fences with (SIL), and asked her whether we can all just forgive and forget, but she said no, and walked away.
You have no idea the pain you are both causing mum and dad. We all know about your pain from last year, and none of us wanted that, but you sure as hell are making sure you spread as much pain to everyone else as you can, and you have repaid ten times over already, without regard for who you hurt in the process. It is no longer about your pain, it is about the pain you are giving to others. I have pain in my life. So do mum and dad. But we do not spread it around, like manure on a field, making sure everyone gets a share, as if we are the only people on earth who were ever hurt.
Mum was treated like shit by some of her family at Uncle G's funeral and she has waited to talk to you ever since, and you never even asked her about it. She is really hurt that you don't give a damn, and dad is hurt that you never ask how he is, or care about how unwell he has been. They both said to me not to write and tell you, because that makes it too easy for you. They wanted to see how long it took before you showed that you cared, and you never did. You never got round to it.
Dad says when his dad was very ill, towards the end of his life, he could not do enough for him. And yet, with you, even though you know dad has been unwell, you have not called, you have not visited. I have taken dad to have his teeth out, and sat with him through fittings for his dentures. I have taken him to the GP. I have taken him and mum out. Where the hell are you?
You are going the right way to lose your whole family; if you think that is a fair exchange, for what you now have, then good luck to you. You said to mum and dad that this will mend. I am telling you now, it needs to end now, because if it goes on, then there will be nothing left for you to mend. Either it stops now, or else I have only one brother, and his name is Ian. I neither know you, nor want to know you ever again.
Mum and dad's 50th anniversary is next year, and I wanted to talk to you about it tonight, but I couldn't get past the permafrost that has set in around you. How can they celebrate their anniversary with an atmosphere like this evening?
I suggest if you do not want another year like the last one, that we all move on. (SIL) is not used to having family around, but maybe you can tell her, in no uncertain terms, that families fall out, but then they fall in again. They do not kill one another by ignoring, snubbing and cutting. That is childish, it is unChristian and it has got to stop.
Maybe you can send me a birthday card. (No present, because I don't want one.) Then we can start to rebuild, however long it takes. No card, and from that day I have no older brother, and I will never speak your name again as long as I live. It is up to you."
I will not hold my breath waiting for that card. But neither will they control me any longer by their anger.
C.
