Nicky,
I want to let you know that you are not alone.
My daughter is N'istic due to being born like that and due to my neglecting her for 3 1/2 years while I was caught up in codependent, online relationships, getting abused by an N myself.
Anna is 17 now and has shown N signs from very very early...for instance:
projection. When I would scold Anna for doing something as a little child, she would then turn toward her sister and begin punching her.
entitlement. Anna cannot understand why anyone would refuse to allow her to do whatever she wants when she wants to do it. It's a sort of "how DARE you deny me," attitude.
double-bind. I wanted to us Anna's video recorder one day to put a recording I did onto a videotape, so I asked her. She informed me, "Not now. I have other things on my mind, the least of which is you using my video player. Besides, it's something only I can take care of cause I have to set up the tv, etc"
Months later, when I asked her if she would put my recording on tape, her reply: "You had your chance! You had plenty of time to make that recording into a tape. Is it MY fault that you didn't do it. My friend has my videorecorder now, and I have no way to get it."
bait n switch. One day, Anna stayed home sick from school, so hubby said she had to do dishes later on. When it came time to do the dishes, I reminded Anna that she needed to do them. Her reply, "I don't feel like it. I'm going to bed. I'm NOT doing them! I'm going to BED!" I suggested that she at least help me...she said "NO! I'm going to BED!"
When hubby got home, he asked me where Anna was. I told him in bed. He said "why aren't these dishes done?" I said, "she refused to do them!" He said, "I'll go deal with her!" Suddenly, she appears in the kitchen, sweetest look on her face that could melt butter, says to me "Mom, why didn't you tell me to do the dishes. I would have have helped you with them."
You can see a VISIBLE SWITCH in my daughter even now. As long as you don't get in her way and you let her hang out with her friends and boyfriend, go to school and do "her thing" she is fine. If you dare to ask questions and she notices you are starting to CARE or SUSPECT anything, she will EXPLODE, begin snapping at you and demand that it's "none of your business!"
Interestingly enough, my 3 younger children do not cuss. I have never heard them say a cuss word, ever...and Anna PRIDES herself on that and other things. She is all about her image and looks, and constantly makes comments about how gorgeous she is and how I "just WISH you looked as good as THIS package!"
One day I said to her, "you really think you're all that, don't you!" She said, "Think? How can you DOUBT it? I mean LOOK AT THIS!" moving her hands seductively down her body from shoulders to hips.
So, as I said, Nicky, no you are not alone in this, and NO it is not just a TEENAGE STAGE...I've been told that too, and I do not believe it. THEY don't see who she REALLY is.
Even a cop once told her, "Look, cut your mother some slack or else you can come down to the station and sign over as an emancipated minor. If you choose to live with this woman, you need to ABIDE BY HER RULES!" (that was a cop I called cause Anna took away my telephone and refused to give it back, and I HAD HAD IT with her antics behind-the-scenes, and nobody believing me)
I have a feeling that "lil miss THANG" is going to "get hers" one day, when she goes to flash her feathers to the wrong type of person. I don't wish ill on her, but God has a way of dealing with the "high and mighty" of this planet, who claim to be His Children.
~Laura
