What do you think??????

[Hopalong]

Hear, HEAR.

I think it's often a simple domestic moment like that, which is completelly absent of love and concern when even WE, the children of Ns, know finally, at last, without confusion, that love and concern is what we deserve....that is the last straw.

I had a similar moment, although I am not convinced my daughter's father was N, more like, just selfish and kind of nasty-tempered. He came home irritated at ME (not her) one night, and she was bouncing on my lap on a towel after her bath, happy and cheerful. He walked in, got one look at this cozy affectionate scene, and she stretched her arms up and went, Daddy, Daddy!

He looked at her, then me, and said to ME, I've had enough stress for one day, and walked outside to his "shed" and refused to come indoors and say goodnight to her, though she cried in her bed for 45 minutes: "What did I do? Why is he mad at me? Why won't Daddy come and say goodnight to me?"

The next day I told him we were getting divorced. He was willing to hurt her, to hurt me, and that penetrated my fog of rationalizations for staying.

Hops

[Portia]

<Grit teeth> and that was the straw? i won't ask what came before but yes, that sounds like a last straw. I'd say he was thinking about nobody but himself and if narcissism is a graduated line, he's on the line for saying that alone.

Under my breath i admit I called him a bad name when I read you Hops.

[Hopalong]

Oh goody.
That's what bad names are for. 

Poor fella's passed away now, and long forgiven. But my D is working on it still...her painful and longing and angry and hurt and yearning memories of him.

Speaking of D, she's moving to a new little apt. and has been very nice to me (in the process of securing my $$ help...).    "Thank you so much and I love you". I do think things are getting better for us. I remain curious as to who she'll become. It can't be fixed in stone at 26.

But I'm sticking to my no-doormat resolve. I know that this move is a good idea for her...she's trying to break old toxic patterns, her new place is tiny but less expensive, and she's working very hard to get ready for applying to graduate school. One of her reasons for getting away from her old student address is that it was Party Central...right on the student street where all the bars and pool halls, etc.,are...and she says she can't focus on studying for the graduate record exams there. She also just broke up with a bf who cheated on her and was really suffering. I don't know if she would've confided in me if the pain weren't so great, but I really do feel for her, and she could tell.

I think we'll be okay. She has a drop of her Dad and a drop of me and many choices about herself.

Hops

[Portia]

Hops

"Thank you so much and I love you". I do think things are getting better for us. I remain curious as to who she'll become. It can't be fixed in stone at 26.

At 26 I didn’t have a clue. It’s not fixed in stone at all! She sounds pretty level-headed and focussed to me. Has her future in her sights. Good!

But I'm sticking to my no-doormat resolve.