point of no return

[lynn]

Hi,

Everything is reaching a pinnacle.  It is likely that it will all begin to legally unravel this week.  But who knows. I have taken so many steps to get out of this relationship.  I agree with whoever said that it takes many, many times to leave a relationship.  I have had one foot out for as long as I can remember.  

Do you know the Landslide song?  Stevie Nicks sang it first.  " Well I been thinking about you.  Cause I built my who life around you.  But life makes you bolder, even children get older.... and I'm getting older too."

So hard.  So hard to walk away from so many years.  So scary to think about how my kids will really react.  One of my primary goals is to get out of this relationship for my kids (even though they are teenagers).  What if they reject me? I guess you never know how things will unfold.

At Christmas, I was at a party and a palm reader read my fortune.  He told me that I would live to be 90 years old.  It was all in fun, but this week I turned 45 years old.  I am calling it my half life birthday.  And what it means to me is that I have an entire nother lifetime to live -- equal to what I have already lived.  I have the opportunity to live this life with more love and with more friends. I have the opportunity to make better choices.  I have greater perspective and level of experience... it is like the gift of starting over.

Thank you for listening.  I am feeling so sad right now and I just wanted to talk with someone.

lynn

[Nic]

Hi, I'm sorry you're so sad this day.  Big changes ahead. I'm sure you've tried everything,looked at all the possibilities before you came to your decision.  Painful as it must be, i've never been through a divorce, and my wife and I don't have kids, so i'm no expert on the subject.
That being said, my father was a very difficult N to live with, my mom was the Co N..i've stopped really trying to figure them out because i've broken free of both of them..at least in my spirit.  What I want to say is as a child I hoped that my parents would divorce..to me it would have been the ideal solution that would have given me peace of mind..some rest from the horrific N nightmare.
I mean to suggest that maybe your kids will understand your decision.  You will cross that bridge when you get to it. Never give up on your dream to live a better life and tell them you want a better life for them too.
Surely it's a shock to everyone and a huge adjustment..ideally things would have worked out and you wouldn't be there today..but you are.
You have us to share with..i'm sure you will teach me alot as you travel through this new challenge.
I'm thinking of you.
P.S. i feel compelled to tell you not to consult palm readers and the like and would be glad to tell you more about that in a PM at your request.
very kind regards, Nic

[Anonymous]

one of the things I recently realised is I can't make a new life without going through the pain, without letting go of the old one, which isn't all bad.

I'm going to look for a book on this, I'm sure there must be one on the emotional as well as the practicalities of separation?

[surf14]

HI Lynn,  I too wrestled with  thoughts of leaving for years before I acutally did.  I left when I was exactly your age because at 45 you know you have to start 'setting your fin' for how you want to live th rest of your life.  I was certain that if I stayed in the marriage things would not get better and I feared how that would affect my teenagers.  I left the marriage and my oldest daughter was a bit angry at me for about a year and a half but because my husband and I were living separately it gave the girls a chance to clearly see the differences in how their parents conducted their lives.  My youngest daughter about a year ago came hcouome from seeing her dad and asked why on earth I had  married someone like that?  Itold her that  he seemed perfect at the time and that he seemed to have changed as the years went by into someone I could not work with.  Both girls have strong values and have been able to make clear and healthy choices about how to conduct their lives respsonsibly but I am sure they would have been very confused, and damaged as wel, if my hosband and I had continued to live together, argue, and  place the  gorls in a position where they had to take sides.  Good luck to you!