Author Topic: Friday Nights  (Read 3043 times)

Hopalong

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Friday Nights
« on: November 18, 2006, 02:46:28 AM »
If squabbles and melodrama or stifled terror are all many of us remember from our FOOs, I think it might be natural for people to unconsciously start re-enacting them on Friday nights. Someone observed that a while ago as a pattern on the board. I hadn't seen it.

It might be fearful to face a weekend empty of school or work which, rough as they were/can be, were at least an escape from the cauldron of home. Home alone even now, some of us have only our ghosts to do battle with. So maybe it releases some of that tension to up the ante here.

It's all real. The hurts or anger, the wishes and discoveries and excitement and determination. The excited rallying and calling out, See! I am wronged! The shaming and blaming. The pompous, condescending voices. The declarations.

They're all real, and they're also echoes. I think parallel things happen.
We all drag our ghosts around until we loose our grip to hold something new.
Our ghosts are our teachers too.

(Mine are, anyway.)

Night, all. Peaceful company this weekend.

Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

moonlight52

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Re: Friday Nights
« Reply #1 on: November 18, 2006, 03:11:24 AM »
Hops  I just always wanted to fix hurt feelings ..

And now I read your clear blue words

of understanding unification

balm of calm and kindness

I and my ghost will rattle off to bed

you are beloved

more then "getting it " loving and kindness is the surest path

(how do you do that complete the circle really a gift to be able to see though the fog)

nite nite

m

gratitude28

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Re: Friday Nights
« Reply #2 on: November 18, 2006, 05:30:09 AM »
Hops,
That is a very interesting idea... and one to ponder.
Thanks for brining up a helpful topic.
Love, Beth
"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable." Douglas Adams

Stormchild

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Re: Friday Nights
« Reply #3 on: November 18, 2006, 08:27:04 AM »
Hey, this is terrific! After all the fussing and fretting about long posts and hard work, I have really been wondering why I bothered sharing this stuff here at all. But now I see.

Thank you Hops.

Thank you so much!!!!!

You could not have given me a deeper or more sincere vote of confidence in a hundred years, than by remembering this idea on such a fundamental level that it came up from your center in your own words because you had internalized it for your own.

It's no longer 'my idea'. And that is what I love to see. People exchanging thoughts and insights and taking them in, digesting them, transforming them

from 'something someone said'

into 'something I was thinking about'

into 'something I have figured out that makes sense to me'.

Doesn't matter whose idea is the grist. It's wonderful to see it happening from any direction.

But - I have been working my tired old tail off, getting ready for a week's vacation from the office. I have hardly been able to tell one day from another for the last two weeks, and it's made me tired and I have been grouchy. Today I am free - for a week, anyway. I have a lot to do on the blog, so I won't be here much except to check PMs and glean some of my old posts for editing and publication.  I have a lot to do on my book ideas, too.

So it's particularly cheering and affirming to see this, here and now. It could not have come at a better time. Thanks so much!
The only way out is through, and the only way to win is not to play.

"... truth is all I can stand to live with." -- Moonlight52

http://galewarnings.blogspot.com

http://strangemercy.blogspot.com

http://potemkinsoffice.blogspot.com

Gaining Strength

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Re: Friday Nights
« Reply #4 on: November 18, 2006, 09:37:39 AM »
Stormchild - where's your blog?  I'ld love to read sometime if you are open to that.

Hops - I'm sending courage and support.  My heart and strength are with you in these days of upheaval.
How are you?  I'm interested in knowing what is going on with you if you have the strength or need to
share.  my love and friendship - Gaining Strength

WRITE

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Re: Friday Nights
« Reply #5 on: November 18, 2006, 10:20:44 AM »
I have really been wondering why I bothered sharing this stuff here at all. But now I see.

I find writing things out so therapeutic, writing is my most natural communication style too.

Often by the end of typing a long post something has become much clearer to me!

I also find the things I react most strongly to are the areas I need to work on- I think I told you before if I pick up say a self-help or psychology book and skim it and there's something I seem to want to pass over I can usually go back and see there's a mechanism going on to circumvent something painful or revelatory!

Stormchild

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Re: Friday Nights
« Reply #6 on: November 18, 2006, 10:56:40 AM »
Hi GS

I will PM you the URL, if that's OK. Let me know it's OK to send you a PM, and I'll do it - I won't send one without your OK, though. [You can PM me to tell me it's OK to PM you ;-)].

Thanks for your interest! Wish me luck with it...

Write, you've got it. That's so true.

And when the ideas come together and a clearer picture emerges, it's like discovering fire, and you just want to share it - because it's good to share the things that help, I honestly believe that's part of what we were created for.

What is so cool is watching an idea come to life, in different people in different ways, and go wandering off into the future with them, become part of them, truly part of them, changing as they take it in and look at it through their own eyes and experiences, taking what works for them. It becomes their idea. No longer yours.

It's like offering someone a nutritious meal... or sending a blessing with someone. You might say the prayer, but it's not you in the prayer, and it's not you who answers the prayer, and it's not your life that takes the prayer into the future with it. The moment you say 'amen', your part is done, and from then on, it's between God and the person you pray for.

A real, honest to God, transcendent experience! Thanks for reminding me about that. That it has to be freely given, and loosed and blessed.

You're right about the reacting being a pointer to the problems too. Wise counsel. Thank you again.
The only way out is through, and the only way to win is not to play.

"... truth is all I can stand to live with." -- Moonlight52

http://galewarnings.blogspot.com

http://strangemercy.blogspot.com

http://potemkinsoffice.blogspot.com

moonlight52

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Re: Friday Nights
« Reply #7 on: November 18, 2006, 12:54:58 PM »
Hey All      'getting it with love and compassion" is the surest path...................


love to all  :D

moon

Hopalong

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Re: Friday Nights
« Reply #8 on: November 18, 2006, 04:10:57 PM »
Thank you, Moon, for seeing me in such a light. Beth and GS too...

You are right, Jac.
As were you, Storm.

Hops

GS--I'm workin' on it. It's hard right now. I'm sideways-facing my stuff about paralysis. I've withdrawn, don't go out much, weathering the aftereffects of my separation from the job and some sorrow about hearing from an old love. I just...stop. I hope I'll be lifted up tomorrow. For the last few days except for the gym, I've been hiding from my life. ((()))
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

WRITE

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Re: Friday Nights
« Reply #9 on: November 18, 2006, 08:39:23 PM »
It's hard right now. I'm sideways-facing my stuff about paralysis. I've withdrawn, don't go out much, weathering the aftereffects of my separation from the job and some sorrow about hearing from an old love. I just...stop. I hope I'll be lifted up tomorrow. For the last few days except for the gym, I've been hiding from my life. ((())

oh, Hops, I am sending you a great big hug and a parcel with hot chocolate, brushed cotton pyjamas, fluffy slippers and a huge comfy chair to huddle down in.

It's so much two steps frward one step back this recovery process....it's like the setbacks mount up and halt the progress, then off we go again, then something else.

Give yourself time with the job, and distance with the old love.

I soend a lot of time at the swimming pool ( no gym until after the hernia op ) and it's become a very positive comfort habit last thing at night.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Hopalong)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Hopalong

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Re: Friday Nights
« Reply #10 on: November 18, 2006, 08:45:00 PM »
Awww, ((((((((((((Write))))))))))))).
You are a very dear woman. Thank you.

I'll sing louder in church tomorrow when I think of your kindness.

Sundays always make me happy!

love,
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

WRITE

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Re: Friday Nights
« Reply #11 on: November 18, 2006, 09:11:51 PM »
Sundays always make me happy!

This is not a hymn I would sing often with my Unitarian leanings, but it came to mind, especially 'a day of sweet reflection, thou art a day of love,a day of resurrection from earth to things above...' :

O day of rest and gladness, O day of joy and light,
O balm of care and sadness, most beautiful, most bright:
On Thee, the high and lowly, through ages joined in tune,
Sing holy, holy, holy, to the great God Triune.

On Thee, at the creation, the light first had its birth;
On Thee, for our salvation, Christ rose from depths of earth;
On Thee, our Lord, victorious, the Spirit sent from heaven,
And thus on Thee, most glorious, a triple light was given.

Thou art a port, protected from storms that round us rise;
A garden, intersected with streams of paradise;
Thou art a cooling fountain in life’s dry, dreary sand;
From thee, like Pisgah’s mountain, we view our promised land.

Thou art a holy ladder, where angels go and come;
Each Sunday finds us gladder, nearer to heaven, our home;
A day of sweet reflection, thou art a day of love,
A day of resurrection from earth to things above.

Today on weary nations the heavenly manna falls;
To holy convocations the silver trumpet calls,
Where Gospel light is glowing with pure and radiant beams,
And living water flowing, with soul refreshing streams.

New graces ever gaining from this our day of rest,
We reach the rest remaining to spirits of the blessed.
To Holy Ghost be praises, to Father, and to Son;
The church her voice upraises to Thee, blessed Three in One.


( Pisgah is the mountain Moses climbed to view the promised land just before his death, Deuteronomy 34 )


sea storm

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Re: Friday Nights
« Reply #12 on: November 18, 2006, 09:54:30 PM »
Hopalong,

I love that idea of reenacting the scenarios from Fam of Origin on Friday Nights. I think that really happened in Adolescence during the drinking and mad fantasies that were enacted then. Now, I see that the past trauma is acted out over and over. I don't want to get stuck just blaming my N partner and seeing myself as a helpless victim.
I think that my partner was so much like my mother that it is eerie. For instance,
If she hurt my sister and my sister would say (in exasperation and pleading, "Mom1 please don't say that. It really hurts me". My mom would say, " What do you mean it hurts YOU. What do you think you have done to me!"  This crazy mirroring kind of conversation went on for 50 years and no on saw the pattern.  I didn't even see it for 7 years in my own marriage.
Probably acting out these crazy-making conversations with Ns would be incredibly helpful. We could laugh like hyenas with insight and freedom. We could dance and bay at the moon. Then we could pray in gratitude that we were no longer trapped by our past in repeating it for ever and ever.

You help me a lot with your thought Hops.
Weekends are hard and loneliness is like eating rust.
I pray that light and love come to you when you are quiet and alone and remember that you have a friend out here.

Hopalong

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Re: Friday Nights
« Reply #13 on: November 18, 2006, 10:11:37 PM »
I felt a blast of empathy when I read this, Sea:

Quote
You help me a lot with your thought Hops.
Weekends are hard and loneliness is like eating rust.
I pray that light and love come to you when you are quiet and alone and remember that you have a friend out here.

Thank you so much.

light and love to you too, my friend.

Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."