I am going nuts and need help!

[penelope]

hi again hounded,

I guess in reading everything you've so bravely written here, I was just triggered to think:  This could be me, I could have written exactly the same - except substituting b/f's and family members for wife and kids...

It is only when we recognize that we have the power to hurt others that we begin to regard our own choices carefully. 

I think you've been quite brave.  But, there's no reason to take on another's projections (here or anywhere).

So, if it feels like you're getting beat up a bit, feel free to skip over any posts you might need to and continue to post here about your new T.  Sounds very encouraging.

bean

[sea stormr]

As a woman who was severely abused by her husband both physically and emotionally I think that acknowledging you abuse and looking into the triggers and family of origin issues are really great for your recovery. I notice that you seem to want reconciliation with your ex. My advice is to keep it simple and don't intellectualize too much to a woman who is emotionally hurt and sensitive. The other thing is to go slow.
You didn't mention if you had separated more times than once from your wife, and it is rare that an abused woman makes it out permanently the first time
In the abuse cycle the abuser WILL DO Anything including crawling over broken glass to get back in the good graces of their spouse.
This does not work. The man I was involved with needed to work on his own issues and not blame me. I do hear you blaming your wife for spending and it sounds like rationalization. You want honest feedback and you got some.
An abuser on this website is like a fox in the henhouse. I am curious why you would come to this place. I think you must be in a lot of pain over your loss.
DETACH    breathe and stop trying to control your ex. Go in Peace