I'm OK, You're OK

[Avery]

I'm sorry that I have dropped out of the communication for a bit and I was extremely touched by a recent poster who showed concern for my well-being. I still come here and listen...just haven't felt ready to post for awhile.  I'm sorry if I made anyone worry.

I needed to step back after that fiasco of a post that stirred up so much.  That firestorm was NOT my intention.  When I re-read my last post now - I can see why it raised so many hackles.  I should have never used the word "individual".  I shouldn't have been so confrontational.  That post came from a very emotional place within me - which really isn't like me - I usually don't communicate anything until I have removed most or all of the emotion from it.  Saying things from anger almost never gets me anywhere.  I guess I just wanted to protect someone whom I felt was being hurt.  Maybe I'm overly-empathetic and I overreacted.  Maybe that's OK.  Maybe not.  My intent was really just to get everyone to be conscious of how fragile some new posters can be (myself included, obviously) and to treat them with a little extra TLC - it wasn't to publically reprimand (or exonerate) any one person.  That's not my right.

Anyway, I did learn a lot from it.  Someone pointed out that it may be a good thing for a harsh truth-telling to remove someone from their denial.  Hadn't thought of that, I guess.  Maybe I'm too sensitive.  Probably.  I guess I'm just used to someone asking me before they launch the hard truth...you know..."I feel like I know you well enough to be brutally honest with you...are you ready for that?"  kind of thing.  

Since I'm here...I thought I would throw in my thoughts about the guest posting issue.  I don't really see the big deal, I guess.  If someone feels more comfortable being that much more anonymous...does it really matter?  Should we really try not to acknowledge them because they may be too afraid to give a handle?  I know that there have been a few really mean things said under the "guest" name, but I'd hate to discourage anyone who needs our help from posting just because of a few bad apples.  I hope I'm not launching a whole new horrible thing...just my opinion.

That's it for now.  Happy Friday to all of you - I am sending all of you very kind thoughts.

Avery

[seeker]

Hello again Avery!  

I'm glad to know that your presence is still with us in Cyber City.  I also miss some of the other frequent posters who are quiet now, but hope they are still lurking.  I know some of us have to leave the screen once in a while to attend to the very issues we post about!  

And to Guest-with-the-nosy-husband: A big, big hug.  I've missed you in a big way and am so glad you are still here as well.  

Love and Peace, Seeker

[Anonymous]

Avery, I'm so so so glad you are okay. I've been so worried about you and I still think you were great in standing up and drawing attention to what you felt, I agreed with you but that's history. I have been so angry at the ones who I felt silenced you and am glad I said what I said in 'Why be guest'. I wish I had of said it a lot sooner. I'm so glad you are okay. Welcome back.

Guest

[Portia]

Dear Avery. I’ve been thinking about what to say for over 3 hours and I don’t want to leave it any longer. So this is off the top of my head. But hopefully you’ll have seen that I am, if nothing else, honest here. I’m very happy to know that you’re alive. Unlike you I don’t remove a lot of emotion from my posts (I’m trying now). I’m confident enough to show a personality, warts and all. I will try to consider more often that not everyone can do that, or feels as confident. What happened was okay to me. Thank you for an enlightening experience. (That sounds insincere, it isn’t meant to.) I don’t expect to be board-buddies or whatever and I don’t expect you to talk to me but can I ask one thing: do you forgive me for what I must have put you through? If you can forgive me, then I hope you can also forgive the others who responded to my yelling. I’m not even sure they deserve any part of it: they were thinking about me and not you, and that was my fault and mine alone. I hope you see what I mean. Please let me know. P

[Anonymous]

Avery, I am trying really hard to ignore Portia's anting to go back into it, but I can't. I remember Jacmac said in her last post on that thread, and I want to shout now, PORTIA WHY CAN"T YOU LEAVE AVERY ALONE! She'll talk to you when and if she's ready. Sorry Avery, I have no right to speak for you and I'm not wanting to create a position for you, but I just have worried so much about you. My personal opinion is that I didn't find you overly-empathetic, just concerned about others too, and the world needs more of that, not less. The balls in your court to talk to talk or not talk  to me or anyone whenever you want. And it should be left there. Now I've said that it's out of the way, and I hope it stays there.

Avery are you still with that therapist who you were struggling with breaking from. I've thought a lot about the therapist's who empathise and the therapists who come on all knowing about our lives. The professionals who sometimes unintentionally put us down and generalise without taking the time to get to know us.

Have you got a new one, none at all or are you still with the same one? I was wondering how it's all going for you?

Guest

[Anonymous]

Dear Avery. Unlike you I don’t remove a lot of emotion from my posts (I’m trying now). I’m 'ARROGANT' enough to show a personality, warts and all. I will try to consider more often that not everyone can do that, or feels as 'ARROGANT'. What happened was okay to me.

[I don’t expect you to talk to me but can I ask one thing: do you forgive Please let me know. P

I just had to do this Portia because you don't let up, and after all you're so confident and honest and open it shouldn't bother you if I've put my interpretation to what you're saying above. You never stop do you? You start with put-down comparisons as soon as possible. I wonder if anyone else recognises it too.

[Anonymous]

You remember ‘Write’? I wanted to wring her neck enough so that she considered her kids more, or at all, in fact. A woman staying in her marriage because she got to “travel and meet interesting people”. Please. Perhaps her kids are better off that she stays married though: they have another parent and influences other than her. If that’s a personal attack so be it, ‘write’ can come back and swing for me.

that's the only personal attack I have seen from this poster so far, but I agree, you are rather provocative Portia. Play nice!

[Guest Bianca]

I am new, wasn't around when whatever happened way back when, but want to comment that I too see the provocativeness in your posts, Portia.   Partonizing and superior.

If that one took you 3 hrs. to compose in your mind, I'm really concerned as to what you had said back then, without such a long time buffer...  

Raging on others will not heal your own feelings of powerlessness, fear, and pain...

If you immediately feel like you want to lash out and reply to this e-mail with the height of your anger and venom, let it be a self revelation
for you..      Go to the source of your fear and pain within, and heal it, and you will be less angry with others.  

Kind Regards...

[Anonymous]

While I appreciate the fact that you are all trying to stick up for me, it's all really ok.  really!  i didn't write to rekindle any bad feelings or make anyone feel bad.  i certainly don't want anyone being upset with anyone else because of me...we all have it tough enough without being mad at each other.

portia has expressed her regrets (as i have to her, privately) over what happened, so i'm all for water under the bridge.  we deal with some emotionally charged issues, so someone's bound to get their feelings hurt now and then...i'm sure portia meant no harm - she's simply different from me in her approach.  it took me awhile, but i expressed my feelings on the issue (again, privately) and i feel like i've communicated what i needed to - that's a first for me!  

as i wrote to portia - all negative experiences can be changed to a positive if we learned something from them.  i think i've learned a lot.  

again, i appreciate all of your concern for me - but we're all in this together.  let's all start fresh and help each other feel better!  

whew.  now -

i did separate from my therapist...i'll need to find a new one, but i haven't gotten around to it yet.  i think she felt more comfortable dealing with addiction issues and i needed someone to help me deal with my mother.  (i still haven't spoken with mom since june).  lately, i've been really busy with school...i've recently returned to college after a 15 year hiatus.  it's doing wonders for my self-confidence (i don't feel like such a dumbass anymore) and i'm meeting all sorts of interesting people.  my husband is a dream - very supportive (he's making dinner right now so that i can finish this post) and tells me daily how proud he is of me.  so, i guess i'll find myself a therapist when things have calmed down a bit.  mostly - i feel great!  when i think of the difference between last year at this time and now...i can't believe i made it!  my depression has lifted and i feel better than i have since my father died.  that's been almost 10 years ago!
i feel very thankful for all of you on this board.  i have learned so much and i hope to continue to learn to communicate better.  you are all such wonderful people.  have a wonderful weekend...i look forward to reading your posts!

avery

[Anonymous]

Avery well done. Glad to hear your spouse is encouraging you and supporting you. I said my bit to about the other topic so it's not something you need worry about. I'm not after anyones's blood just had to have my say. You're right about being able to turn negatives into positives, and the older I get the more I see this. Things that I used to think were the worst things that could have ever happened to me I now see have turned out to be the very things that have made me stronger, so I get it. I'm just glad you're okay, better than okay actually by the sounds of it. I hope you find a therapist who understands you and can help you work through the issues with your mum. Going back to studying is a challenge and can be so exciting, I'm happy for you.

Guest

[Portia]

Avery, thank you so much for your private message and for the one above. I’m in shock at some of the guests here and at the other new posts: such fury, it’s scary: I’m keeping quiet. You and I know what happened: that’s all that matters to me. Thank you again for your words. I was worried about you and guilty about what happened. I’m glad to hear how you’re doing so well now. I’m sure some guest will twist these very words into arrogance, but hey, we know what we mean and that means a world more to me. I’m sorry guests, even the goodies, but I gotta ignore all of you now for my own sanity. Thanks Avery for being a real person, I appreciate it. Best wishes to you, P

[Anonymous]

Hello again Avery!  

I'm glad to know that your presence is still with us in Cyber City.  I also miss some of the other frequent posters who are quiet now, but hope they are still lurking.  I know some of us have to leave the screen once in a while to attend to the very issues we post about!  

And to Guest-with-the-nosy-husband: A big, big hug.  I've missed you in a big way and am so glad you are still here as well.  

Love and Peace, Seeker

Hi Seeker, I am a the guest with the nosy-husband who you replied to here. I'm not that person, sorry. Until I get my own computer and broadband I still have to share this dan computer nosy-husband. I kick myself for not being more careful and having to go undergound because he's really p---d me off, but I'm posting to say I'm not who you think I am. Sorry. I realise you mean someone else witha -nosy-husband. I know how they feel. I nearly didn't come back after that and he quotes names now like he's so in the know. It's horrible and I am mad about it but it was my fault. I hope you aren't too disapointed. Makes me realise that it was a good move not to have him keep living him in the house. All the best to you.

guest

[rosencrantz]

I don't understand why you think you are invisible to your husband by posting as guest - you've revealed far more about him, about you and about your relationship as guest (which he will recognise and can choose to comment on).  

All that you are achieving is the kind of confusion and misunderstandings (like the example you've just highlighted) which prevents you receiving appropriate support, encouragement (and helpful challenges!) from the other members of the Board.

I don't fully understand your situation - but if you click on Tools, Internet Options, Clear History (in IE6 - similar in other versions) you will not leave evidence of all the posts you've read and responded to.  And as long as you log out after every session, you won't leave evidence of your onscreen name.

At this point I'd normally have strived harder to understand your situation and wish to end by saying 'I hope this is helpful' but I'm really fed up of all the poisonous guest posts.  As I don't know who you are, don't know your history, don't know which guest you are, I don't really care if this is helpful or not.  Sad, really, that guests now have such a bad name on this forum.
R