Hi and Welcome Tremusan:
Well. There's no fancy answer coming from me. No great wisdom from my end. Still, from what you wrote, I noticed a couple of things.
I'm glad you feel you are thinking more clearly and rising up above your difficulties. That's gotta help. Keep thinking that way.
It sounds like you're formulating a plan and that's a darn good idea, imo. Keep doing that.
Too bad you couldn't set him up with some babe he couldn't resist. But that would be unkind to the babe eh?

Still, I think it's possible for you to work toward it being his idea and desire to leave. I did that with my ex. I told him that I could see how unhappy he was. That I wasn't good enough for him. How I wanted him to be happy (which was the truth...is the truth--on edit--that I did/do want him to be happy). That if he wanted to leave.....now was the time. Etc.
He said I'd never survive without him. I told him not to worry. I'd be ok. I'd manage. He should just go. Get on with his life. Find happiness where ever he could.
He went. It was all very amicable. We're still on good terms.
Ofcourse, I don't think he's a complete N but he is a hopeless alcoholic and they've certain traits in common. He was verbally and emotionally abusive. Sometimes phyically. So I think I did the right thing. I'm remarried and so is he. Life goes on.
Keep working it out in your head. Maybe get some outside support. ( I did and my counsellor was a great help. Sort of kept me from caving into fear and going backward....helped me get my plan together....stuff like that). Is there a women's shelter in your area?
Save yourself and your kids. I bet you won't regret it.
He's kept me so terrified and off balance the last 5 weeks
Is he physically abusive? I'm just guessing. No need to answer anything, if you don't feel like it. No worries.
Here's a hug. (((((Tre)))))
Sela