Author Topic: reauthoring the story of my life  (Read 1123 times)

sea storm

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reauthoring the story of my life
« on: December 15, 2006, 04:16:07 AM »
I have been off work for months. First with severe burn out from working for an N boss and having a client load that was too big. Working with children who experienced trauma. At the same time my N partner started an affair. In astrology this is known as a death-rebirth cycle where everything falls away and a person must be reborn.
I have been grieving some someone out of a Greek Tragedy. This is ok but it is perceived by my employer as emotional instability and probable brain injury or somesuch. I have been sent to a psychologist for a full batter of Psych-ed testing and IQ test. This is pretty gruelling given my present state of mind. I don't want to go back to my old job as it existed. There is a LOT wrong with it. There is little or no honouring of working with disturbed children in the bureaucracy I work in. There is no supervision and no debreifing with colleagues.At times I really need the support and experience of colleaguies. So I don't want to go back to work and I want to find alternatives to working where I worked before. I want to work in a supportive and challenging environment but I feel to insecure to even start looking.
I go to a psychiatrist and he has validated that I am not psychotic ( as my N partner would tell me over and over again). I see a counsellor too so I am getting loads of help. However, with the psychologist I fear that my grief is being pathologized into something else. For instance, I told the Dr. that there was too much noise outside my office at work. She replied," how long has noise been a problem for you. can you remember when that first started?"  Wellllllllll....... it is too noisy outside my office. People yelling across the room, photocopier going nearly constantly etc.
I am making progress back to health but facing making some more big changes. Change of marital status,. change in health, change in job. initiating separation/divorce. Lots of change and I am trying to hang in there with it all. Right now it feels like I have been pushing a plow up hill for too long.
Fortuneately, I am not crying my heart out anymore and I seem to be able to tackly problems without going into a brain fog.
If anyone has any insights, thoughts or suggestions please feel free to comment.
Sea Storm.

Hopalong

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Re: reauthoring the story of my life
« Reply #1 on: December 15, 2006, 07:04:45 AM »
Hi Sea
You are doing remarkably well, thinking clearly and getting through things one at a time is no small accomplishment after all you've been through.

I think it's important to say to your psychologist: I fear that I am being pathologized even when I say something factual to you about my life. When I told you it was too noisy outside my office you asked "how long has it been feeling that way?" Please hear me: it IS too noisy ouside my office, people routinely yell across the room and the photocopier is running all the time. Please don't pathologize my grief when I make an observation like that.

I don't think you're wacky at all. ANYONE would crack under burnout from abused children when the only other "support" in their life betrays them.

You deserve a break, and you also deserve a more peaceful and supportive job. It's safe to look.

((((((((((Sea))))))))))))))))

Hops

"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

axa

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Re: reauthoring the story of my life
« Reply #2 on: December 20, 2006, 05:23:13 AM »
Seastorm,


I think it is amazing that you have the energy to get on here to post.  You must be sooooooooooo exhausted.  Reading your post made me feel tired!  So glad you have support with a counsellor.  I have worked a lot in the area of mental health issues and then I lived with an NPD person !!  But I do know how draining working in such an emotional environment can be.  It is the nature of the work and not having supervision is heading straight for burn out.

It seems like there are so many issues in your life right now that I am concerned for you.  The strength it takes to keep ones head above water under these circumstances is superhuman.  Please please be gently and soft with yourself in any way you can.  You so could do with some nurturing.  CAn you do some of this for yourself?

I have been in similiar situations so I feel for you.  SEnding you huge hugs,


axa