new here and entering into a childs world

[shefellyb]

Hello! I am new here, just discovered this board, and interesting time of my life to discover it!

Anyway, I was wondering what it means to enter into a childs world and not make them enter our world in order to make contact?

I want to give my kids a voice and the things that I did not get as a child. I went through this phase where I was really angry at my parents for what I did not get as a child, and I am coming around to forgiveness and realizing that they gave me the best that they could with the experiences that they had in their own lives, although I still have those days where I wish I would've gotten more validation and time from them. I think, from my perspective, that they were so busy with what was going on in their own lives, that they didn't really bother with what was going on in mine. So, I really want to give my kids my time and attention. I struggle with knowing how to balance my day to give them the attention they need (cuz they would take all 24 hours of my time if I would let them LOL!) and also get the time I need to do the things in my life that need to get done. I guess I should mention that I am SAHM and homeschool my 2 kids as of right now.

Thanks!
-Lisa

[CB123]

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[Gaining Strength]

That's a good question.  I did not experience that as a child and my interpretation is just a guess.

My brothers and I each have one son.  My oldest nephew is 18.  Several years ago he became interested in radio controlled airplanes.  They are fairly large - 4-5 ft. wingspan and quite expensive.  So my brother became interested with him and took him regularly to a small airport where there was a radio airplane flying club.

When we grew up my mother had no interests and spent no time with us.  To get time with my father we did things he liked - so I learned to play tennis.  As a teen I liked gymnastics but my parents didn't and so they would not let me continue.

My 6 year old likes action figures so I am learning to play those things.  That's my interpretation about entering their world. It sounds sort of superficial to me. I suspect it can be done on a deeper level as well.

Gaining Strength

[seasons]

Hi Lisa,
Great to have you hear. I've also asked myself what that means? When I have thought about it and things I could do felt mechanical, well that is just my feelings.
I think just pondering the questions answers that you are already in their world. I also homeshcool my two youngest, while my oldest is in school.
Yes, they would let them take 100% of us wouldn't they? Aren't we lucky?

Just this weekend I had a sleep over with my 13 year old. We watched a a movie in bed, held hands off and on. chatted a bit. I noticed she has a lovely way of telling a story, she uses her hands and her eyes lighten up, she is blooming and wonderful to see. As her little head tilted towards me with a big smile, I felt so relaxed and happy for us both.

I know for me my biggest accomplishment is stopping, looking right in their eyes and listening.
 
Another thing that I did for my 11 year old who is going though a tough time falling asleep, worrying, feeling bad about things she did many years ago...her older sister went through the same thing a while back so I'm chalking it up to her age etc.
But I made an envelope that looked like a treasure chest with a lock, inside was a letter I wrote for her to read if she is feeling lonely and is up late at night. I told her I was there with her, holding her and loving her. I told her this chest was ours and we only have the key. She is to open the  chest and put all her feelings and worries inside and lock it up until tomorrow where it will be safe. Then if she wants to share her thoughts the next day we open the chest together and I will help her in anyway I can.    She loves it and reads my letter every night. Even though I cannot be with her every night.....all night..she knows we are together and I'm always surrounding her with a hug full of love.
O.K. it may sound corny but it has helped her.
I also wrote a note a wipe board to my 13 year old, telling her how wonderful she is etc. weeks went by and I found it next to her bed, she never erased it! It meant more to her than I thought.

Gosh I'm probably boring the heck out of you! I just thought sometimes the little things that are so simple mean so much more to a child than we could ever imagine.

Happy your here...........seasons

[shefellyb]

oh my goodness, I just typed up a reply and forgot to log in so I lost it all!!!!

OK try again

Seasons,
You were not boring me! I would love to hear more actually! I love the idea about the treasure chest. I may copy it if you don't mind.  My daughter is 9 and is struggling with anxiety and nervous feelings. I went through that too as a kid and never felt like I could share it with anyone. I am glad she shares with me. I like hearing what others do...it helps!

Gaining strength,
 I like your idea about learning more about their interests. Thank you!

CB,
I appreciate your advice, I will take it...and if you have anymore, let me know! I am open to it LOL! It is nice to hear someone say that I do not need to give them my full attention 24/7 because that is what it feels like I should be doing some days! I guess I never thought that the "background" me is enough, because I never really thought I got my parents full attention, they were always involved in a book, or with church, or with something, so I wanted to give my kids more.  But I am trying to do more with them and not spend so much time on the computer (like I am now) or in a book,etc. I am trying to balance. I hope that makes sense.

So, thank you all. I am having a hard time staying off the board today. So much to read with being new and I really should be spending time with the kids

Thanks!
-Lisa

[gratitude28]

Shelly,
If you know what your kids are interested in... what they like and what it means to them... and if you listen to their silly and fun (and sometimes detailed and beyoned your understanding) stories and ask them questions about them... then you are an active parent who IS involved in their lives.
Homeschooling is hard, because you have to have two roles... the teacher, separate and authoritative to a degree; and mom... all the rest!!!!
What was your childhood like?
Love, Beth

[Brigid]

Welcome Lisa,
I was also a SAHM to my 2 children, who are now 18 and 22.  I did not homeschool, but was very active in their schools and outside activities all throughout their years at home.  I, too, did not have parents who took any interest in my life and my father spent most of the time criticizing everything I did or said.  Consequently, I did not have a good relationship with either of them and they both died with little concern from me.  I vowed to never be like them and to give my children the love and attention that I never had.

Both of my kids are doing great and we have an excellent relationship (despite their father having bailed out of our marriage after 22 years).  I agree that being there in the background is important and you certainly do not need to, or even should be around 24/7.  They need to develop their independence without you hovering over every decision and choice they make.  They will make mistakes and hopefully learn from them.  However, I rarely missed a game, meet, choir performance, or award presentation, and I know that they appreciated my support.  I still travel to enjoy their college experiences when I can. 

At your kids' ages, finding games you can play with them, sports you can do together (we loved skiing as a family), visiting zoos and museums or anything that gets them talking and interacting with you, is fun and exciting.  I think carpooling your kids on a regular basis and just listening to them talking to their friends can be very enlightening.

Just enjoy them as much as you can, because before you know it, you will be like me with a big empty nest.  It can have its' benefits, but also can be very lonely and quiet.

Brigid

[CB123]

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