hi hops,
I'm OK not having a relationship with any of my family ever again. Most of them are abusive. For all I know, my uncle is an N like my Dad (I don't really know since he wasn't my father) and my Grandmother could be the reason why my Dad is so cold.
I was never very close to either of these relatives. It is a slap in the face when they pretend nothing's going on, when they've seen my mother rage so many times at her kids on holidays..they have seen it and they've experienced it themselves. I don't understand how anyone in their right mind would want to be around this woman after she's treated people she supposedly "loves" this way.
No hops. This family can only begin to heal when we (the sane ones) get away from the abusers. Literally. Get away. As long as someone is still talking to them, they're still feeding the monsters. If the monsters stopped getting so much praise and kudos, maybe they'd realize they're monsters. As it stands, the denail in my family is so thick you can cut it with a knife.
I'm OK with it. It's my goal to live free, and not be around them anymore. Ever. Again. I realize this is not the choice for everyone. But it is the right choice for me.
As little as 3 years ago, when I had no place to go and no money (literally), my parents kicked me out of their house. When I said "fine, I'll leave within the next 2 weeks.." my mother (cause they needed the rent I was paying them) said "oh no, I didn't mean so soon - I want you to stay until January (3 months away). Cause we need a boarder anyway, and it may as well be you." I left within a month. I didn't really enjoy it there anyway - besides being condescending and treating me like a kid, and their slave - I cleaned "my bathroom" (the guest bathroom) everyday, although it was never "right" so my Mom redid it, my Dad raged at me when I left a coffee cup on the counter. It Goes in the SINK! He'd yell at me, slamming it down on the counter. I swear he kicked my dog when I wasn't looking...[there's more but I blocked it out]. They told everyone "we don't want any of our kids living with us anymore." What they neglected to say was they were so up to their ears in debt they needed me as much as I needed them. I had gone back to school and taken out a school loan to pay them rent. I had friends from work, who offered to let me live with them For Free, and my own parents didn't want me there. It was cramping my Dad's style.
As little as 4 years ago, my mother sent a letter to everyone in our family (spouses/SOs included). It started out like this: F-CK You ALL! If you don't want to come to my family gathering than you can all just F-ck yourselves!...
As little as 8 years ago, my mother assaulted me in my home while my father stood by and watched and did nothing. She grabbed my ponytail, and swung me around the room a few times after I asked her to leave when she became verbally abusive, and showed her the door. My husband at the time also saw the whole thing - and thought she was crazy. (I did not call the police and have her arrested, but I probably should have - in the name of "wanting a relationship with her"). Later, all was forgotten and everyone expected me to forgive and forget.
As little as 15 years ago, my mother gave me a black eye, for spite. I didn't even do anything except say "Leave me alone!"...
This is just how they've treated me. There are 5 other siblings, and I've heard the stories here and there...I can only imagine what she's done to them. Two have moved out of the state, to get their kids away from her. Problem is, since we all hate each other (my Mom creates that jealousy, purposefully), we never compare notes, except on rare occasions. Everyone is so afraid to point out the Elephant in the middle of the room - that the raging elephant gets to keep ruling and abusing all.
The problem with this is - she takes care of my brothers' and sisters' kids. She is verbally and physically abusive - what will she do to them when no one is looking? Backhand them like she used to do me everyday for "being smart." Continually insist they "wipe that look off their face" whenever they show displeasure with her? My Dad is worse, as he's is abusive in a more cunning way, and he gets my Mom to abuse whoever he's mad at at the time.
bean
