What do we owe?

[liberty]

What do we owe to our Nparents?

I've been thinking about why it is so difficult to walk away from Nparents. What causes me to feel as though it is my birth right to be devalued and ignored? If anyone else was treating me this way I would show them the door without any sort of guilt or remorse, so why is it so hard with the Nparent?

For me I feel as though I owe Nmom for the food she gave me, for the money she spent on my education, for clothing and sheltering me, for making sure that I didn't choke on my milk as a baby. So what is it that I now owe her? And when will this debt be paid?

For the times that she may have worried if I got home late, the times she would have taken care of me when I was sick; what is her charge? I have come up with a formula for this "loan":

Principal/ collateral held: Your life
Period of layaway plan: forever
Rate: Varies based on N's moods
Interest calculated: (Your life x varies based on N's moods x forever) / 100
Currency of the payment: emotional energy
Debt forgiveness: none

To put this formula into words:

For the physical comforts (any emotional comforts??) that you received from you Nparent as a child you now owe them your emotional energy forever to the extend that they choose depending on their particular mood. Your life varies as a function of their moods and there is no relief from this debt no matter how many emotional investments you have made in the past. It will never be enough. Your life will always be held in a suspended fund as their security.

Lib

[Hopalong]

I reommend cutting up the credit cards.

YAAAGGHH!

Thanks for this evocative idea, Lib.

Hopalong

[mrt]

What do we owe to our Nparents? lib

Hi lib,
I don't know how old you are...but somewhere in my mid 30's  I finally realized that I had given my NParents the best years of my life...the last stunt they pulled gave me ample reason to cut the cord.

They had raised me for the first half of my life and in the second half my poor wife and I tried everything to please them....It was so futile...I finally gave up trying "give" them anything else...It had become so onsided...take take take....I waited for them to reciprocate for a change and am still waiting 5 years later....It's been a very peaceful period in my life. I redirected  my energy to my own life, to my wife and kids (so much was wasted on them) 

I still get Angy, hurt and confused that they are so callous and that I wasted so many years for nothing.....

Cut up the credit cards.... or file "emotional" bankruptcy....or become a deadbeat to this so called "debt".  Consider it paid in full and move on ....Give yourself a fresh start and don't waste anymore time and  energy on such toxic, negative influences.

To bad there is not an "unfair debt collection" law in the books....you'll have to take care of this one on your own....set some boundaries and don't look back.


Hugs
MrT

[seasons]

((Lib))

MrT: They had raised me for the first half of my life and in the second half my poor wife and I tried everything to please them....It was so futile...I finally gave up trying "give" them anything else...It had become so onsided...take take take....I waited for them to reciprocate for a change and am still waiting 5 years later....It's been a very peaceful period in my life. I redirected  my energy to my own life, to my wife and kids (so much was wasted on them) 

I still get Angy, hurt and confused that they are so callous and that I wasted so many years for nothing.....

 I also feel I have wasted my time on my N's with the results of the ones I loved have not had the full me, as the make you so empty. MrT expressed that so well.

((seasons))