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Where do I go from here?

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Philski44:
No, this really doesn't apply here.  I say that because my father still plays the same ways today 35 years later.  When he loses, he sulks and has a bad attitude or brings up his last wins to counter the loss.  When he wins, he rubs your nose in it and glotes to no end.  It was never about a desire to teach his child how to play at a high level.  It was about his ego.  It always seemed that his self-esteem and worth was attatched to winning or losing.
Yes, much of my past has involved attatching my self-worth to whether a game was won or lost.  It was rarely for the sheer pleasure of the game itself.  Competitiveness within my relationships has been a problem in the past.  Not so much now because I've done alot of work on old learned behaviors that haven't worked.  I continue to do alot of step work.  Currently working on step 7.... Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.  slowly but surely they are being removed.  Acknowledging them is the first necessary step prior to letting them go.

Anonymous:
Thanks for your considered reply Philski. I appreciate it. May I ask just one more question and please feel free to ignore the question if you find it too tedious or off topic. In addressing the unhealthy competitiveness learned as a child, did you find that that resulted in you learning to compete in more healthy ways, or do you find you tend to avoid situations when they become competitive? Or has it resulted in some other outcome?

Guest

Philski44:
I think there is a positive quality to the competitiveness I've learned too, provided it is in moderation.  I've run many road races, have completed seven marathons, and am conducting my own 5K benefit run in September.  So yes, although in some arena's (relationships) competitiveness isn't good, others it most certainly is.  The problem even in the productiveness that results is when I attatch my self-worth and esteem to the outcome.
Cheers...

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