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Help!!

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Anonymous:

--- Quote from: Survivor ---I am grateful my sister finally sees her for what she is, but how can I forgive her for never standing up for me? Also, since my father just died, how can I ever forgive him?
--- End quote ---


Your father is far more culpable than your sister (in my opinion) because he was the parent and the adult. The 'preferred' sibling is just as screwed up as the scapegoated one, sometimes they are even in worse shape.

To me, forgiveness is accepting that things turned out a certain way because of people's limitations, and you won't actively seek revenge against them. That's it. You can have many feelings toward the perpetrators including antagonism or hatred. That doesn't erase forgiveness.

bunny

Discounted Girl:
To me forgiving someone a transgression against you would indicate that it has stopped. Unfortunately most of the time the only way to stop N abuse is to close the door, allow no portal of entry. Then, I guess forgiveness can work. I don't seek any revenge or wish bad things, I just am happy that the abuse has stopped. It's very sad that I had to stop it by severing ties with my mother. I don't hate her but I don't feel any urges to forgive her either. I have given up all hope that she might change or realize what she did and mend her ways. I know that if she had the opportunity, she would again begin her same game. I must be honest however, and admit that exposure of her nasty ways would bring me satisfaction. I am glad I don't hate her.  Holding on to hatred provides a fertile breeding ground for darkness. I think the devil must laugh with glee when he sees us hold on to hatred -- it feels so good. I don't want that. What I feel is the grieving process and it will go on for as long as it takes.

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