Uplifting thoughts for divorcing/divorced ladies

[Dazed1]

Found this article saying more women are living without husbands than living with husbands.

Here's a quote which I thought some of our divorcing and divorced ladies might enjoy, especially the last line:

Elissa B. Terris, 59, of Marietta, Ga., divorced in 2005 after being married for 34 years and raising a daughter, who is now an adult.

“A gentleman asked me to marry him and I said no,” she recalled. “I told him, ‘I’m just beginning to fly again, I’m just beginning to be me. Don’t take that away.’ ”

“Marriage kind of aged me because there weren’t options,” Ms. Terris said. “There was only one way to go. Now I have choices. One night I slept on the other side of the bed, and I thought, I like this side.”

She said she was returning to college to get a master’s degree (her former husband “didn’t want me to do that because I was more educated than he was”), had taken photography classes and was auditioning for a play.

“Once you go through something you think will kill you and it doesn’t,” she said, “every day is like a present.”[/font][/color]

Here's the link for the article:
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/01/16/us/16census.html?ei=5065&en=fd431ee3a6bf026f&ex=1169528400&partner=MYWAY&pagewanted=print

dazed

[Brigid]

Dazed,
I think the wonderful thing about the society we live in today is that we have choices.  As a woman born in 1950, it was expected that I would be married, have children, etc.  My 18-year-old daughter will not feel those same pressures, and can make her choice based on her desires.

I have married and divorced 2 n men, but still desire to be married again.  Silly me, perhaps, but I do believe that it is the best choice FOR ME.  I spent more than 2 years in therapy after the end of my second marriage (actually returned for a few visits recently), and believe I can (and have with my b/f) make a good choice of a mate now.  There was a lot of internal damage that needed healing, but with the help of my wonderful T, I believe I have reached a healthy place in my life.

I do not see marriage as a situation that will inhibit my choices, but an opportunity to share life's experiences with someone I love.  I look forward to grandchildren--whether from my own children or my mate's--but I want to share that with someone, along with traveling, intimacy and just growing old.  The downside is that I would never want to go through another devastating separation and divorce like I suffered 3 years ago.  It does become a catch-22.

Most psychologists say that the most happy people are those in good relationships.  I'm sure that the opposite is also true, and being in a bad relationship will make life miserable--of this I am clearly aware.  Not ever wanting to be married or remarried is a perfectly fine choice if someone wishes to remain independent, or at least not legally bound.  It is also understandable when bad relationships is all someone has ever known.  It is very scary to be willing to try again and have faith and trust that this time you've got it right.  But the romantic in me trudges on with the faith and trust growing stronger and the willingness to see if the third time is a charm. 

Brigid

[Hopalong]

Me too, Brig...

I have married and divorced 2 n men, but still desire to be married again.

Every time I think of you, I'm encouraged.

Please keep on being a role model for me!

Vroom vroom,
Hops