Consider yourself hugged good. I know winter's hard and
you've been plowing through your personal snow with such
grace and courage. You WILL reach spring!
oh thanks Hops. There are days when I think this particular furrow is more of a rut! but I am determined....
It's been a long week, work is going badly in two places. One I just took hold of the reins and went in and gave the director the benefit of my advice; she was a bit snippy at first, but soon settled down and listened so I feel it's down to her now. I never would have had the courage to do this a few years ago, or the knowledge to do it in a very neutral way- I was pulled on one side immediately by one of the managers after who was pretty wound up that I'd even been in there. People's insecurity is so damaging....their whole team is falling apart because of insecurity. What a negative feedback loop.
Oh well- I hope having the courage of my convictions pays off, but if I have to leave I did try.
The other job I lighted on a lovely appropriate group gift for the sick lady who has been riding my back for months; I will make one last attempt to sort things out there, if she returns from sick leave and there's still problems, well that will have to go too!
I will say this about bravery - it's a positive feedback loop. A couple of years ago the thought of having to give up jobs ( or even being asked to leave! ) would have lost me sleep. Today I feel like well if I am not meant to be there I will do something else...I really do 'give no thought for tomorrow' in that sense.
But as one door closes, another opens. The childrens' music director at church resigned; I have offered to cover for her voluntarily part-time whilst they find a replacement ( I don't want the job at this stage, but covering it looks nice on your CV for the future! )
With that and the work I offered to undertake at the place today assuming the boss takes on my suggestions and pulls things together I will have done what I set out to do work-wise: half paid and half voluntary.
When I decided to not give money to church that's what I wanted to do instead, so it's nice that some of it can be for the church.
I love my new church. I'm not sure I'm not falling for the music director a little...amazing guy! but another epiphany, I can enjoy him and our growing friendship without wondering what it will be and wishing it were other than it is. I suspect he feels the same about me, but if I am wrong- and this is a first for me- it's not the end of the world.
And I am going to start dating soon, just as soon as my divorce is final. I think I can handle any residual feelings of rejection or
There's been other stuff this week- a harrowing memorial service, ex announced he wants us to all move to California- more on that later if I get chance.
Love to you too Moon, are you doing okay?
I am a little manic with all this extra stress, but I slept okay last night and I am handling it the best I ever have without meds. The work stress may have to go though if it continues, so I am going to set up a few other jobs with a new organisation right now even though I don't particularly need them, just so I don't have any money worries. And so I don't get confused or over-scheduled I will work out a new timetable.
Love to everyone.
