You bet, Sea...
I think one thing that can happen (and that you're bravely not doing) is that sometimes when people discover the N phenomeon, so often the shock waves are just incredible...and this huge discovery of the N traits and N behaviors of the N we're leaving or have left or have been left by just goes on forever.
We see their Nstuff. We catalogue. We re-catalog it. We eat dream breathe it. We recatalog it again accordning to the Dewey Decimal System. We list it/them for every new acquaintance or friend in our lives. We narrate it, we tell our dogs. We do that and do that and do that until there is no more shock. "He was an N." "I was abused" become just facts, like I'm from Miissouri or Kansas or Alabama or London is a fact. At that point, it is healed. We might walk with a limp but we're focused on the scenery, not the limp.
Sometimes people don't get to the fact part, though, because they find the intervening step too diffiicult: that's when we recognize the parallel shock...I was drawn to the N. I allowed myself to be abused. If we catalog that, re-catalogues, eat dream breathe it, catalog it again according to the Dewey Decimal System, and share it with any new friends we become close to. And refer to it as often as we need to until it becomes just a fact, like I am 5' 6" is just a fact, or I drive a car, or I read novels is a fact.
THEN we are healed all the way.
So don't beat yourself up, Sea, as familiar as that might feel. You're just cataologuing.
If you skip that step, as some people do, then you can spend many years on an N hunt, and N-spotting and indignation and rage about Ns, and suspicion of practically everyone you meet can sour you. Whereas, after BOTH kinds of cataloguing, you'll be able to spot red flags in others and in yourself as automatically as a skilled driver chooses to go right around obstacles, or use the turn signal or seat belt. Autmomatically healthy and self-protective behaviors will become your new norm.
You're absolutely on the way, I know it.
((((((Sea)))))
Hops
