Things are falling into place for me about XN. Need to vent about this.
When I met XN he had not been in a relationship for a number of years. This I think is true. Xwife had left and he had young daughter on his own. Lots of supply there, she had no one else. Xn met me when D was coming into teenage years and puberty. I now see there was a plan. Calculated, cold and all worked out to his advantage.
The plan was he would give up his job, work abroad for several months of the year but he needed someone to look after his D. He also needed someone to live in his house to comply with his insurance.
He met me, groomed me beautifully, encouraged a relationship with his D which I thought was genuine. Once I was hooked in with his D. I was very angry always about how she was treated by her mother who had abandoned her. He started to create problems in his job. He had added a lot of money to his pension fund so he could retire early. Of course he created the chaos, left the job with a good settlement and then decided to work abroad because he needed money to pay of his fancy house. So off he went. I was left with his D. Which I was happy to do because I loved her but felt somehow I was just being used as an unpaid childminder and housekeeper. When I stood up to this use he asked xwife to live in house and take care of D. It was irrelevant who did the childminding etc as long as he could dump his D and go off on his travels.
He presumed that I would have been impressed by his material wealth and would have been happy to settle for that. He did not figure that I wanted a relationshp....... an athema to the likes of him. My T says that he bit off more than he could chew when he met me. Also the fact that I was smart, independant, etc flattered his ego.
I was just a piece in the puzzle of his plan but I did not fit. He acknowleged that he had spent the last year punishing me for messing up his plans. I think he had great difficulty distinguishing me from Xwife in many ways. She has what she wants, no relationship, big house, car etc.
I find it disgusting the whole thing was so calculated. I thought we cared about each other and were working towards having a life together, a relationship together but I was kept in the dark all the time. No wonder things are making sense to me right now.
God, the coldness of it all sends shivers down my spine.
Thanks for hearing
axa