Love without Compassion in intimate relationships

[Leah]

Love without Compassion is Possessive, Controlling, and Dangerous


Compassion is the most important emotion in intimate relationships.  It contributes far more to happiness than love does.

Relationships can be happy with low levels of love and high levels of compassion, but not the other way around.

Why is compassion so necessary for love relationships?

For one thing, it sensitizes you to the individuality and vulnerability of your loved ones. It makes you see that your partner is a different person from you, with a separate set of experiences, a different temperament, different vulnerabilities, and, in some respects, different values.

In contrast, if you feel the intensity of love without compassion, you cannot see the person your partner truly is.  You partner becomes merely a source of emotion for you, rather than a separate person in his/her own right. When your partner makes you feel good, he/she is on a pedestal. When he/she makes you feel bad, your partner becomes a demon.

Love without compassion is possessive, controlling, rejecting, and dangerous.

Compassion, on the other hand, makes you protective, rather than controlling. The difference is crucial.

[Gaining Strength]

I have such a range of reactions in reading this.  I feel sad and left out that I have never experienced love WITH compassion (which is the only real kind of love there is.)  I am so thankful to understand this now and understand the ramifications of growing up in a compassionless family and living in a compassionless marriage.  I am determined to create a home with compassion.  There are many other feelings but they fit neatly under these catagories. - GS

[Leah]

(((( GS ))))

I identify and have genuine empathy with what you say GS, my family life was void of compassion and now I know why I was never protected in my marriage, which was also void of compassion.

You see I have been searching as to how come I have been a compassionate person when I never experienced compassion in my family - where did it come from then?

I married very young and had my child young, and I can testify that I was determined that my child (had hoped for children)
would have love in abundance, my child was nurtured with my unconditional love and acceptance, and yes, compassion, as I protected him and loved him.  He has grown to be a compassionate young man to his lovely girlfriend.

I am sad deep down inside, that I never experienced real love, with compassion, in my lifelong marriage.  Never felt protected and loved.

Yet, I give it out to others - so where does it, compassion, come from?

Leah

[Leah]

There can be no true love without compassion.

So the words that they were saying rang false because it was not being followed by action.  In fact, the actions were contrary to the words.

Hi Jac,

Identify with what you are saying, and especially "you are a beautiful person - best person/friend that I have known"  Its almost as though one is too nice, and so one annoys them.  Maybe because, they see in you what they lack?  Is my conclusion.


"Actions speak louder than Words"  is so very true isn't it.

Love & a Hug,

Leah

[Leah]

Four years ago, I had to abandon all hope in my compassionless lifelong marriage, and walk away from my life of hopelessness, void.

today,

at last I have ......... 'become a person'


Leah