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How prevelent is this???

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pandora:
as to prevalence of N's - this may be one of those situations where you buy a new car, and then all of a sudden are hyperaware of how many people own the same model.  

One side effect I have noticed is that as I learn more, I sometimes have this terrible insane fear-

 OMG! I MIGHT BE ONE!  And my therapist is just won't tell me for fear of inflicting severe Narcissitic injury!  

Anyone else have this?

rosencrantz:
Yes!  

And the fact is that if you think you are, you're not!

It's the ones who never for a moment think they're possibly that fallible that are!

Got it??  :wink:
R

Write:
One side effect I have noticed is that as I learn more, I sometimes have this terrible insane fear-

OMG! I MIGHT BE ONE!

this isn't narcissism I don't think for a minute! It's maybe that perfectionism which comes from a family where love is withheld and we grow into people who try very hard to be very good at everything. Often we succeed! Someone once sarcastically said to me ' slow down dear, let the mere mortals catch up!' which awoke me to the possibility that my perfectionist traits were not always useful.

I think I'm a bit more able to be fallible now...though I still find myself trying too hard sometimes. But I recognise it and can usually see that its in an unhealthy situation or one which reminds me too closely of childhood.

an eg. just came to mind: my family/ community often 'joked', but it wasn't really a joke, it was pouring scorn or mocking or not taking you seriously. As a child I'd get terribly frustrated that they couldn't ( or wouldn't ) see what I wanted them too, and they enjoyed the 'joke' of making me squirm not caring that I was getting terribly frustrated and upset. Even thirty years later I still get ultra-serious if someone tries joking about something I feel strongly about, it brings back such strong memories.

Sally (sslichterj):
Philski44: You touched on a worry of mine..only because it happened to me in therapy, and was the source of years of pain and confusion.

I got clean and sober in a world renowned treatment center 18 years ago. While there I recognized and worked on my CoDependency Issues and went to CoDa 12 Step Meetings for 15 years along with AA, NA. SLAA, and AlAnon and 20 years of one on one therapy.  

All of that helped  to stay alive while being in a relationship with an N who is now my ex-husband. BUT a really important point was missed in all of that work to change me. All of the recovery in the world was not going to help me get along with a Narcissist (my mother was also one).  There is an additional dynamic at work, I believe, that is not touched in recovery.  

I think those of us who have been hooked into an N have an addiction to the behavior of the Narcissist, which we hope to understand, and  we hope to find the key that will finally allow us to feel loved by them. And, the problem is no one is going to feel loved by a Narsissist ever.  But we keep hoping and trying.  And if we hope and try too long (as happened to me), we lose all sense of ourself and are lucky to get out alive from a N relationship.

So, I think probably children of N and those hooked into a N probably do have codepedency issues which have been developed trying to learn to cope with the N; but that is only part of the problem.  If the part that hooks someone specifically with an N isn't addressed then the dance with the N will continue until there is no soul left in the N's victim.

How to address the victim is, I think what this site is all about.  Knowledge of what the N does, thinks and is capable of is what will set those of us who have been the N's victims, free.  

By the way...I keep trying to log on and am told sometimes that my user name is taken..so I end up having to come on as a guest..Does anyone know who to correct that little problem?  Sally

rosencrantz:
I had that logging on problem Sally - I never did solve it but assumed that I had forgotten the password I'd used to create the name with.  Perhaps Dr G might have a solution. R

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