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Ns reactions to world events?

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Portia:
Hello all. How does your emotionally-challenged N react to big world tragedies when they are not directly involved? E.g. 9/11, shuttle disaster, Madrid bombs, train/plane/boat disasters, earthquakes etc.

I’m not getting into news reporting/media manipulation type stuff - just the simple N reactions. You know, once we think about these events, we start to modify our reactions but I’m interested in the first, basic, immediate emotional responses. I.e. do they have any show of empathy whatsoever?

Or is any emotion they show simple plain fear? (probably fear that something has happened, it’s getting lots of attention and it’s outside their control).

Tricky question I know but one I’ve been mulling over for a long while. Your experiences? Or web writings on the subject? Thank you P

Wildflower:
Hi Portia,

I saw this posting and I just had to reply immediately!

In another posting I mentioned that my father and I were fighting a couple of years ago. Well, sometimes I lose track of how long it's been, but we were actually fighting in the wake of 9/11.  I live in NY and my office is kind of caddy-corner from the Trade Center (we can see the site from our office).  I also worked in the Tower 1, 86th floor in 1999.  I hated working there for a number of reasons that aren't really important - and I hated my job there even more.  So I complained a lot during that time.

Anyway, I wasn't at my office or anything when the planes hit, so I was very, very lucky.  But my stepmother works down there, too, and I was worried about her.  So I called my dad and told him the news (two planes have hit...possibly terrorist...etc).  He immediately replied, "Did you have it arranged?"   :shock:  :shock:  :evil:  :evil:  :evil:  :evil: I told myself this was a knee-jerk reaction and told him it was very serious and I was worried about my step-mother.  He listed her planned errands for the morning (no, she wasn't home - and the phones that day were completely useless  :(  :? ) and said he'd call back when he'd gotten in touch with her.

Well, over the next day or so (it's so hard to remember timelines from that month, though), he MADE JOKES about it.  I couldn't bear it.  I was traumatized and overwhelmed, like so many others, about how huge this was.  And I was outraged that anyone would DARE attack the city I love so much (but I won't go further than that for obvious political reasons). So I wanted to reach through the phone and bang his head against the wall until he understood how unbelievably...well...horrible he was being.  :evil:

The week before, we had made plans to have dinner on the Thursday after 9/11, but I'd obviously already had WAY more than enough of him, and the thought of being NEAR him during this time for fear of being sent to jail on murder charges.  And as it happened, all of my friends were getting together that night to have dinner, but really just to sit and stare in bewilderment while being supportive - and together.  I called my father to cancel dinner and man, did he have a tantrum, and he tried to rip new holes in me by saying this was so like me and blah blah blah about how much I hurt and torture him (ha!).

And a week later, I went to his site where he writes about how glorious and wonderful he is and how stupid others are (okay, sometimes I'm really hostile when I think about him) - and he was comparing OUR FIGHT to 9/11, wondering which was worse.  Poor, poor him.  Oh, never mind the THOUSANDS of other people who were devastated, if not worse by this.   :evil:  :evil:  :evil:  :evil:  :evil:  :evil:

So I cut him off for a year.  The intention was to cut him off forever, but that's complicated as most of you know.

Rrrrrrrrrrr.  So, that's one N's reaction to world events.  Rrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Wildflower

P.S. - Thanks so much for the posting Portia.  Letting it sink in, but I just had to post this  :wink:

Portia:
Wow, Jacmac and Wildflower, you both took my breath away, thank you for your posts. It’s a great area to find out what is ‘normal’ and what’s not! When we have outpourings of communal grief, look around and see who isn’t bothered and avoid them like the plague!  Maybe it’s a good question for future partners (re: a previous thread): “what did you feel when you saw the pictures on 9/11?”.

Jacmac, were you okay? Did you have PTS as a result? Sorry, I’m being very nosy but you painted a picture covered in soot and shocked me. And your N was weird, sounds a bit hyper too. Did he ever ask you about your day, seriously? Your next N sounds positively dangerous. That’s a strange story you relate! Wow.

Wildflower, gulp, your Dad’s knee-jerk reaction says a lot. What it says, not sure, but one thought I had: project all this bad news and emotion right back on to you, don’t deal with it. Make it your fault “Did you have it arranged?”. It’s a weird reaction however you look at it. And the rest of your story – well, it speaks for itself. But he really did that, compared your fight to 9/11? So 9/11 really threatened his sense of omnipotence and he had to somehow make it all to do with him, or make it the same size as his problem? Wow!!!!

This is amazing and very educational for me. More please! (My own contribution is tiny by comparison - I’ll keep it for now.) P

Wildflower:
Hi Jacmac,

I know 9/11 may be hard to talk about and I completely understand it if you don't want to, but I'm also wondering if you were/are okay.  Did you have anyone around you besides the N to take care of you?

And I can't help wondering...does the second N's son live with him?  And how old is he?

Wildflower

Hguest:
Reading this has taken my breath away...I was with 'my' N when the WT centre disaster happened,and,I hate even to write this,but he was thrilled by it,really elated. We were on a train at the time and he was moreorless shouting out; I felt so awful.
He is also very anti-Semitic;he denies it but it's obvious.
And,he told me many times that Hitler was a genius,for his ability to get so many people to follow him,and for his organisational skills.
I have often wondered why he had these opinions...reading these other posts on the subject is really unsettling. I couldn't believe my ears when he said these things.

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